Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

© Citoyen aoungoissé

Copy of an e-mail I received today.


Le principal clivage libanais semble être aujourd’hui celui qui sépare les aounophobes des aounolâtres.
Finnies les vieilles querelles entre arabistes et phénicianistes, entre huitmarsistes et quatorzemarsistes, entre Bushistes et Basharistes…..
Toutes ces lignes de fracture sont aountédiluviennes.
Aujourd’hui, pas moyen de finir un dîner sans qu’aounophobes et aounolâtres n’en viennent à s’aounengueuler. Ce qui pourrit la soirée des rares aouneutres et des nombreux aounenarienafoutre, qui ne peuvent plus s’aountendre parler. yaounamarre !
Les querelles sont d’autant plus vives que les aounophobes les plus aounragés sont souvent d’aounciens aounolâtres qui ne se remettent pas de l’aounterrement de leurs idéaux d’aountan.
Les aounolâtres ne sont pas tous aountipathiques. Beaucoup sont aounnêtes et aountègres. Aountièrement dévoués à l’aounterêt superieur du Libaoun. Ils ne sont toutefois pas aoundignés lorsque le général aountonne ses aountiennes aounticonstitutionnelles. Les aounolâtres sont complètement aounvoûtés et religieusement convaincus de l’infaillibilité paountificale. De vrais aounconditiuonnels !
Les aounophobes sont parallèlement tous des psychaounalystes. Leur diagnaounstic est sans appel : l’aountéchrist souffre de mégalomaounie, d’aounarcissisme, de paraounoïa et de shizophraounie. Les aounophobes préconisent un aounternement immédiat du général et sa mise sous aounxiolytiques pour éviter de nouvelles guerres d’aounnihilations.
Aounophobes et aounolâtres ont fréquemment en commun d’être sous aountidépresseurs du fait de l’aounkylose aouncestrale de leur pays, haounté par des voisins aouncombrants.
Mieux vaut aoun rire que de s’aountre-tuer.

Citoyen aoungoissé
Préférant rester aounonyme

Come what may in the upcoming elections (and this is not in reference to May the 7th) the excuse of “Oh shit I was drunk on Oranjeboom” does not hold water (or barley), they might as well claim that “Black Leb” still rules !

Maybe years of “I love life” were interpreted the wrong way. Soon we will find out.


March 9, 2009 Posted by | Aoun | , | 4 Comments

Hizbollah, evil incarnate!

I will spare you a detailed account of what took place today for it is widely available on the internet, and most of you have been glued to your TV sets; therefore are in no need of a reminder.
A wide array of analysis and predictions were offered for you to pick whatever tickled your fancy.
Regardless of so called facts aired or written, no one can dispute the fact that Lebanon is being taken over by what was once praised as the Divine protector against the ultimate evil that is known as the state of Israel.
Many of times did I state that Hassounah and his thugs have one agenda and one only; that of imposing their own vision of Lebanon.
Can any of you, after today, still have a shadow of the doubt?

Roads are closed, tires are burnt, threats are made, people are held hostage at the airport, Iranians are flying in, new tents are being erected…etc.
And the army does nothing!
Michel Suleiman (and the other Micho who called for the toppling of the government today) say nothing.
M14 in their infinite wisdom (or shall I say lack of balls) praise the appeasing role of the army in such a volatile situation. Shots have been fired, B7 rockets were used, stones were hurled (even at army personnel), citizens were stranded, roads blocked (for no valid reason); and still our men in green watched.
Can you still seriously wonder why the Lebanese people are rushing to buy arms?
It is about time my fellow Lebanese to “call a spade a spade”, enough with the talk of one sect (and one only) that has been ignored by past governments, one area (the south) left to rot. Poverty is no stranger to the 18 (19 if we still recognize the Lebanese Jews) communities that are part of this nation of ours.
This very same community pretending to be marginalized, used and abused; is not only better off (thanks to foreign aid, “al mal al halal”) but has sold its Lebanese identity to foreign powers (Iran). This community by doing so has revoked its Lebanese identity, therefore its rights.
I, unlike others, will not hide behind my little finger and still claim that I am willing to negotiate with the likes of Hizbollah and those who follow them; for they have renounced their Lebanese identity.

I call upon my people to revolt and fight this cancerous cell even at the risk of having to amputate!

For those of you who might think it extreme I say : “bite me”.

May 7, 2008 Posted by | Aoun, Hizbollah, Hostages, Iran, Israel, Lebanon | 5 Comments

Aoun’s selective memory, or has really gone insane part2?

Chou ya general do you remember?

February 8, 2008 Posted by | Aoun, Hariri, Lebanon, Russia, Syria | 3 Comments

Aoun’s selective memory, or has really gone insane Part 1?

February 8, 2008 Posted by | Aoun, Hariri, Lebanon, Syria | Leave a comment

Nasrallah and Aoun. Anyone cares to comment?

Nasrallah: We must deal positively with all initiatives, but the problem is the lack of confidence. The utmost achievement of the understanding is that is has established trust between two vast components of the Lebanese society.

Nasrallah: Aoun is patriotic

Aoun: During the July war everytime I heard an explosion in Dahyeh I worried about the safety of Hassan

Aoun: His alliance with Hizbollah is “for better and for worst”.

Nasrallah: The July war would have happened irrespective of the understating between Hezbollah and the FPM and Hezbollah and Amal would have withdrawn from the government. The understanding did not endanger Lebanon but formed the basis of cooperation. It is also the pillar of the opposition.

Nasrallah: Any attack against the army is an attack against the resistance.

Nasrallah: The Lebanese army was capable of accomplishing many achievements because all Lebanese consider it as a national army and this is how it must remain.

Nasrallah: Some said that the army fulfilled its duty during the Mar Mikhael incidents. Is it normal that the army shoots at demonstrators?

Nasrallah: The pro-government party was provoking the army against the opposition.

Nasrallah: Even if the demonstration reflected the bad intentions of Hezbollah and Amal, would this justify the killing of 7 people?

Nasrallah: The incidents at Dahiyeh must be seen in a context different than the ones of previous demonstrations, hence the importance of a serious investigation in order to discover the real reason behind the incidents.

Nasrallah: So far the investigation into the Dahiyeh incident is serious.

Aoun: I have withdrawn from the presidential race and I cannot cause a shock to my supporters by dropping the call for the guaranteeing one-third.

Aoun: There is an attempt to prevent the opposition from influencing the decisions of the government.

Aoun: We have accepted Sleiman’s candidacy as a guarantee for consensus. Our support comes in accordance with the initiative I proposed.

Nasrallah: Our military preparation and readiness would delay the war.

Nasrallah: The Winograd report’s recommendation over the need for military preparations does not mean that we are heading toward war.

Nasrallah: The Lebanese support for the displaced persons during the July war would not have been the same without the understanding between Hezbollah and the FPM.

Nasrallah: They thought that the understanding between Hezbollah and the FPM was ruined on the ’Black Sunday’, but it was civil unrest that was eradicated.

Nasrallah: Our understanding formed the basis of the national round table of dialogue.

Aoun: The understanding between Hezbollah and the FPM has reinstated normal relations between people living on both sides of the demarcation lines.

Aoun: The biggest achievement of the understanding between Hezbollah and the Free Patriotic Movement was to spread the culture of understanding between Lebanese.

Aoun: We were among the first people who called for an international investigation committee into the assassination of ex-Premier Rafiq Hariri.

Nasrallah: MP Hariri wants me to condemn Syria without evidences, and this is unjust.

Nasrallah: Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad agreed that a Saudi-Lebanese military committee investigate into the assassination of ex-Premier Rafiq Hariri, but Saudis rejected the proposal.

Nasrallah: If the pro-government party submits one clue over the implication of Syria in these assassinations I am ready to tell the Syrians that they are seeking the destruction of Lebanon.

Nasrallah: I don’t have information regarding the assassinations in Lebanon for I don’t have a security service apparatus covering all Lebanon.

Nasrallah: Hezbollah has not built internal security networks in Lebanon since 1982 for it was focusing on the Israeli enemy.

Nasrallah: MP Walid Jumblatt used to call for the liberation of Jerusalem.

Nasrallah: After the assassination of Hariri, MP Saad Hariri said he was committed to his father’s words.

Nasrallah: Hariri told me that if a final settlement is achieved while he is prime minister he will demand Hezbollah to disarm. If we would not accept he would resign and leave the country for he does not accept to turn Lebanon into a second Algeria.

Nasrallah: Ex-Premier Rafiq Hariri told me before he was assassinated that he supported the Resistance until after a just peace is achieved.

Nasrallah: So far the state is not able to reply to the Israeli enemy.

Aoun: As long as we possess weapons, why give them up?

Aoun: It is impossible to set a date for Hezbollah to disarm as long as it is not participating in the government.

Aoun: Those who claim that since I have a pact with Hizballah I therefore have a pact with syria and Iran; have themselves made a pact with the USA therefore have made a pact with Israel.

Nasrallah: All Lebanese including Christians are benefiting from consensual democracy.

Nasrallah: An Islamic government cannot be imposed by force.

Nasrallah: We want a state where all religions and sects enjoy full participation.

Aoun: We don’t have any official capacity to solve the problem of the detainees in Syria.

Nasrallah: The government is responsible of the dossier of the detainees in Syria, for it had refused to establish a joint committee with the Syrians in this regard.

Aoun: I told MP Jumblatt that in spite of your victory on the political level you will be cornered with the Druze sect in the Mountain.

Nasrallah: I can say that the state, through the presence of the Lebanese army and the ISF is present at Dahiyeh just like other regions if not better.

Aoun: In his speech on March 8 2005, Nasrallah had chosen a difficult path.

Nasrallah: The slogan of 10425 Km square is not restricted to one party. I used this slogan to confirm the end of the civil war and the annexation of the Chebaa Farms.

Nasrallah: At the time of the Quadripartite alliance in 2005 the disagreement was over the Christian ally.

Nasrallah: MPs Saad Hariri and Walid Jumblatt had offered much more than Aoun over Hezbollah’s weapons.

Nasrallah: The other party would have used our nomination of Aoun against him.

Nasrallah: We informed the Maronite Patriarch and the Apostolic ambassador to Lebanon of our decision to nominate Aoun. Our decision was not made public according to Aoun’s desire.

Nasrallah: Our nomination of Aoun for presidency was in harmony with the aspirations of our supporters.

Nasrallah: Aoun is independent and is not affiliated with foreign embassies.

Nasrallah: We had named MP Michel Aoun for presidency before the July war in 2006.

Aoun & Nasrallah: There are no detainees in Syrian jails, there are missing Lebanese.

February 8, 2008 Posted by | Amal, Aoun, Hizbollah, Lebanon, Nasrallah | 5 Comments

On a lighter note !!!

On a Remote Farm: Geagea Milks the Cows, Aoun Helps and Bashar Watches

Lebanese leaders Samir Geagea and Michel Aoun may be at each other’s
throats politically, but their namesakes in the Okla family get along
like a house on fire.
Mazyad Ibrahim Okla, a farmer in Qabb Elias village 50 kilometers east
of Beirut in the Bekaa valley, has named his five sons Aoun, Geagea,
Chirac, Lahoud and even Bashar after Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
Now another baby is on the way, and Okla is impatient for the election
of a new Lebanese president so he can give that name to the child if it
is a boy.
Each child’s birth has coincided with a major political event.
“Aoun was born in 1990 at the end of the civil war and general Aoun was
a hero,” said 48-year-old Okla, who has also fathered four girls.
A visit by Jacques Chirac to Lebanon in 1996 prompted him to name a son
after the former French president, who does not remotely resemble the
gap-toothed olive-skinned boy.
“France is our best friend, and Chirac was Hariri’s friend,” he said of
former Prime Minister Rafiq Hariri whose assassination prompted this
devoted loyalist to name a daughter “Irhab.” The word means terrorist
in Arabic.
“My wife gave birth 10 days after the assassination. If it had been a
boy I would have called him Hariri.”
Okla does not regret naming his plump-cheeked blond-haired two-year-old
“terrorism” even though it may raise the ire of feminists and women’
rights groups.
“I want everyone to ask her what her name means when she grows up, so
she can tell them about dear Hariri,” he said of the anti-Syrian
five-time premier.
Of his sons, Lahoud — named after the incumbent pro-Syrian president
Emile Lahoud — is teased most at school.
According to his sister Waad, the eldest child who cares for her
siblings when their parents are working on the farm, Lahoud came home
one day from school and was crying.
When she asked him what was wrong, he replied: “Everybody tells me my
days are numbered. Why is something bad happening to me?”
As Waad tells the story, Geagea goes off to milk the cows in the barn
and Aoun who is two years older goes to help him by holding the pump.
Little Bashar hides behind a milk churn, and shyly looks on.
Aoun says he wants to follow in the general’s footsteps and join the
army or the police, while Geagea — who is the best student among them
all — wants to become a fighter pilot.
With another baby due soon, the Okla family plans to name the new
arrival after the next president.
But the politically divided country has been unable to choose a new
head of state because of disagreements between the anti-Syrian majority
and the Hezbollah-led opposition.
If the new arrival is a girl, therefore, she will be called “Salam”
which means peace in Arabic.
Okla and his wife Hammama, Sunni Muslims, plan to have “as many kids as
God wants” and say they will continue naming them after politicians.
With a Chirac and an Assad already in the family, another “foreigner”
being accepted into the fold cannot be ruled out.
But asked whether they would name any new children after US President
George W. Bush or his Iranian counterpart Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, both
shake their heads emphatically and shout “la, la!” — ‘no!’ in Arabic.
“Only after the French, because they really like us,” decides Mazyad Ibrahim Okla.(AFP)

November 23, 2007 Posted by | Aoun, Assad, Bekaa, Bush, Chirac, Geagea, Hariri | 2 Comments