Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

An even greater divide !

The final curtain has been drawn. In the past 48 hours, bored out of my skull, I have indulged in the art of “zapping” being the insomniac that I am. “Fesse book” could no longer cut it; so I reverted back to monitoring garbage on local airwaves. Out of boredom and my stubborn refusal to chemically induce sleep, I had, in the past 48 hours willingly subjected myself to the crème de la crème of Lebanese “New found culture”. First stop was MTV with a resemblance of “Video Gag” where people were asked the following question: “What is the name of the French president Nicolas Sarkozy”, is it George, Tony or Abraham? And most of my countrymen answered Abraham. A few minutes later, while my thumb was still exercising his routine; OTV came shining. A bunch of vulgar idiots (a doctor Carrot included) were indulging in the telling of vulgar, but well known jokes to the applause of an orange well indoctrinated audience. The jokes (and the words) used in this utterly useless program, should not even have passed the most lenient of censorship standards, my dear “so called” democratic country allows (according to its archaic laws). A breath of fresh air some might say, but I disagree. In order to be fair (and I am mostly not) the saga continued. Today I had the misfortune to watch yet another pollutant “dick head” called Zaven on Future TV (along with his 3 stooges/guests) attempting to deal with the subject of child molestation. The program was supposed to shed new evidence as to the death of a mother and her 3 children in Bhersaf, but far from it showed how lacking we are in investigative journalism.
On amore serious note, and in order to revert back to the original title of this post, Hassouna graced us with the new Hizbollah’s doctrine.
OH PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE ! I wasn’t born yesterday.
The gloves are off, and you can burn me to the stake. I have made my choice (and it has been a long time coming), you and I cannot coexist!

My culture:

And yours that I refuse:

No you are not a part of whom I am and NEVER will be !

December 1, 2009 Posted by | Hizbullah, Politics | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Black or White

No this is not a tribute to Michael Jackson. As an artist, I bow to his talent, but as a decent human being I still have many doubts. This is a call to end the stalemate that has cursed our country since its institution in 1943. BLACK OR WHITE is a choice between freedom, liberty, territorial integrity, honor, freedom of choice, advancement, prosperity; and the dark ages. I do not give a flying fuck about Gad El Maleh’s comedy prowess, but I refuse the Hizb’s influence which led to his tour cancellation. BLACK OR WHITE is the choice we are faced with today; no shades of gray. The only salvation (if ever) I see, is for one color to completely win over the other; even if this means WAR . Sad to say that I am convinced that BLACK has already won. R.I.P Lebanon.
Wlek TFEH!

July 2, 2009 Posted by | Gad El Maleh, Hizbullah, Michael Jackson | , | 1 Comment

I support the green revolution!

Oppression is not everlasting, even within the most oppressive of regimes.
The green revolution emanated from a deep sentiment of discontent with the result of the Iranian elections; just like the Cedar revolution started with the assassination of Rafik al Hariri. In both cases, and without prior notice; people took to the streets and voiced their discontent. In March of 1979 Ayatollah Khomeini changed the face of Iran. Today, 30 years later, the people of Iran are attempting to say “enough is enough, now is the time for change”. Just like in Lebanon, after 30 years of Syrian hegemony, the people took to the streets and said: “enough is enough, now is the time for change”.
They have Mahmoud Ahmadinajad, and we have Hassan Nasrallah. They have NEDA SULTANI, and we have RAMZI IRANI. Their struggle is a couple of weeks old, and ours has been going on for over 4 years.
This is a call for all Lebanese, and especially those whose voice and opinions (and yes, this also concerns you, you ORANGE pricks) muffled (under torture) for years; to support in any way you can, the cause of our brothers and sisters in Iran. Representatives of the (so called Cedar Revolution) have won the majority in the elections. Now is a golden opportunity for you (bunch of nitwits)to show Lebanese, Iranians, the world, and the independent Shia your refusal to “Dawlit Al Fakih”. Organize a PEACEFUL march in condemnation of Hizbullah’s masters who are UNLAWFULLY killing those who can make a change in Iran, hence maybe reducing some of your local evil’s influence and might.
Wlek, people of Lebanon react, embrace this newly born cry for freedom that is coming from one of the most defiant regimes we know today; for you are not alone in your corner of the world.

A grim reminder, to be watched with caution.

June 24, 2009 Posted by | Cedar Revolution, Dawlat Al Faqih, Green revolution, Hizbullah, Mahmoud Ahmadinajad, Neda Sultani, Ramzi Irani | , , | 4 Comments

Surtout, ne dormez pas sur vos lauriers !

Not even ten days have passed since the majority won (regardless of what others still claim) the “democratic” elections; that the dark clouds above the Lebanese skies started forming.
.Samer Hanna’s killer was freed (yes on bail).
.The “Iztaz” is most likely, if not definitely going to be reelected.
.Back to “Tawlet Al HIMAR” in order to discuss, and unanimously agree upon key issues (such as Hizbullah’s arms).
‘Israel (after Netanyahu’s speech) is still our number one (and only) enemy.
.National unity government … etc.

BEWARE my newly elected and reelected M14 rs, for you have won with the votes of those I always called “the silent majority”; and they will not sit idle this time. You have been given a second chance (faute de mieux) and you should use it wisely. Gone are the days of compromise and pussy footing. The time has come for all of you to realize that this is your VERY last chance, and decisive action is needed (if not expected).
• The Iztaz had his 17 years of monopoly in parliament, I think it’s enough.
• ‘Les bras ouverts’ to those who lost, is a sign of weakness. Theirs were always (and still are) closed.
• The Doha agreement served its purpose and should only be remembered as a sad chapter in Lebanon’s history.
• Mustapha Hassan Moukaddem should be made accountable for the KILLING of Samer Hanna if only to preserve the dignity of the Lebanese army, and this should not be the case nor the excuse.
• All Palestinian camps should be free of arms in order not to have to deal with another Nahr Al Bared.
• Getting FINALLY rid of the notion of “tawhid al massareyn”.
• Border demarcation between our “sisterly” nation in the north.
• “Bayan al kassam” of the new government should clearly state that decision to go to war lies solely within the Lebanese government, and not in the hands of our local divine turban wearing Iranian puppet and his follower.
• Reviewing all the past treaties signed under Syrian hegemony.
• The return of all Lebanese (dead or alive) in Syrian territories.
• Having the balls to ask Syria for financial compensation (like they did) for the all the money and resources they siphoned during 30 years of OCCUPATION.
• Giving “rightful” status to Lebanese Jews (no longer labeling them “Israelite s”), and moreover representation in parliament.
Mark my words, if you fail this time, there won’t be a rock left in Lebanon for you (M14rs) to crawl under. And if you do fail, the “silent majority” which tipped the scale this time; should demonstrate, burn tires, block roads, erect tents and demand not only your removal, but your public hanging.
The above is nothing but a small sample of what is expected of those we have entrusted (half heartedly) with our notions of what the Cedar Revolution was all about. Samir and Jibran have moved on to greener pastures, I wish that time will never come when they will turn in their graves.

Lebanesegirlwithflags

June 18, 2009 Posted by | Hizbullah, Isarel, M14, Mustapha Hassan Moukaddem, Nabih Berri, Samer Hanna | , , , | 3 Comments

To vote or not to vote

A “pivotal moment” seems to be the label put by all upon the upcoming elections. Every single Tom, Dick & Harry is trying his hardest to sway electoral votes his way with half baked promises and distorted images of their respective gruesome past. Mentions of a “powerful”, “independent”, “free of any foreign influence”, “corruption free”, “debt free”, “prosperous” …etc ; are being flogged by the dozen on local TV stations.
“Vote for me” they all say “for I am your ONLY salvation”.
The streets are cluttered with cars branding different colored flags on their way to political rallies, which span all over the 10452Km2 we once called home. And for the few of us who still actually work, once we get home, we are faced with local TV stations reminding us once again, that THEY ARE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
Before going any further in my ramblings tonight, let me reiterate that I do not adhere to any political party, I am Lebanese (and this is the cross I bear). I have spent numerous hours lately watching (so called) political debates and reading articles pertaining to the upcoming elections with a very critical eye, in the hope of finding a “divine” (and no I am not referring to Hassouna) sign which will point me towards voting for the “lesser of two evil” (yes this is what the upcoming elections come down to). Suddenly, EUREKA! A name came to my mind, that of Joseph Sader. His story (disappearance) is only 4 months old, but not many care to remember. Our dear (soon to be RE-ELECTED) warlords recall and use all the missing citizens in the past 30 years, but none mentions Joseph.
In February 2009 an MEA employee was kidnapped on his way home and hasn’t been heard of ever since. Kidnapped in an area that is indisputably known to be controlled by this crazed, turban wearing, Iranian allegiance pledging, divine local protector of all downtrodden Arabs in the universe (and beyond).

joseph-sader

Within 24 hours of his disappearance, rumors came out that he was passing information to the enemy (No not Syria, but our ONLY enemy Israel); then another story that he was handed over to the Lebanese army (which later was denied).
Recently the Lebanese authorities have successfully dismantled a couple of Israeli spy networks, but as far as we the people are concerned, the name of Joseph did not figure in any of the affidavits given by those arrested. So where is Joseph?
I could put past me (but no I can’t) 7harb al ta7hrir, 7harb al ilgha, Holiday Inn, Terry Wait, Morabitoun, Fath, Ahmad Jibril, Sabra & Chatila, Damour…etc; I thought we had moved forward. But calling the 7th of May a glorious day; still rings in my ear. The ONE major artery is controlled by a crazed lunatic, and Joseph faith is known only to him. My decision has been made, on Sunday, I will vote (in the south) AGAINST HIM and those who associated with him (M.O.U).
WLEK TFEH!

June 2, 2009 Posted by | Damour, Fath, Hassan Nasrallah, Hizbullah, Isarel, Michel Aoun, Mourabitoun, Syria, Terry Waite | , , | 8 Comments

Wlek Tfeh !

“3rd republic”, “Ô glorious day (7th of May)”, “Syrian interference in the Bekaa”, “your father is a liar and so is your mother”, “it was just a slip of the tongue”, “we won’t forget as long as the sky is blue” ….etc.
A defective cellular network, traffic jams due to (supposedly) uncoordinated efforts, tension running high in the streets once again, and a faulty keyboard; are more than I can bear!
C’est quoi ce bordel (sorry Ekios)! I came back home in the hope of retiring and resting my weary bones. And all of you, who once deprived me of my childhood and innocence, are now making sure that my last days will not be any different.
1) Hassouna: 7th of May is nothing short in comparison to the 20th of January 1976 (Damour), or (another event that you might better relate to, for the time being) September 18th 1982 (Sabra & Chatila), or even (and this is just to ruffle your feathers, or shall I say turban) 2nd of October 1983 (attack on the American barracks), or any other bloody day within our history.
2) Micho: Kelloun kezzabin wa oukhwat charmouta; but on October 13th 1990, who was the one who fled in his pajamas to the French embassy leaving his soldiers behind? Granted it is the dream of every single “true Lebanese” to live freely in a country that is independent, sovereign, and enjoys territorial integrity, and moreover you talk (not so calmly) of “fassad”. I ask of you: Where is our sovereignty when our destiny you have tied (via your MOU with the Hizb) to that of Palestine and the Israeli problem? Where is this independence and sovereignty, when one of your sponsors (again via your MOU with the Hezb) has yet to demarcate the borders? Where does the “fasad” lays , when you can afford to deface the endless kilometers of Lebanese soil with your demeaning slogans?
3) Doc Geagea: I guess that the years spent in solitary in a basement at the “wizaret al difa3” were not enough to wash away the misdeeds of your past (and yours might need at least three generations of semi amnesiacs in order to ensure some kind of redemption). I do not give a crap if you have spent your time reading the Bible or any other religious book; your past (bloody and painful) is still vividly engraved in my soul that (to quote yet another idiot) “ma binsa wil sama zarka”.
4) Walid Beik: “A slip of the tongue”????? why ? was your head shoved up Hassouna’s arse so far that you took a liking to it? Or is it the “survival of the fittest”? How many more changes of allegiances will it take you to finally make a firm stand? Kamal is rolling in his grave, for he had the courage to stand for his beliefs (and that is why he was silenced). Go back to riding motorbikes, for you have shamed (and no I am not sectarian) your fellow Lebanese.
5) Goatee Saad : As a new comer in this cesspool, you should have stuck to taking care of your father’s “international” business. This new found Sunni alliance with the LF (and other Christian fractions) will not hold for long, in their (Christians that is) minds it is nothing but the lesser of two evils.
The list of grievances is long and encompasses the entire political class, wlek TFEH AND KISS EKHTKOUN KELLKOUN. I do not care if Brahim Kenaan’s convoy was attacked a couple of days ago, nor do I care about the exchange of gun fire in Becharre within the Touk family; but I am worried about the two last speeches of Hassouna (our divine leader) who started by (whilst pointing and shaking his finger in anger) telling us that the vents of the 7th f May are not only glorious but could also be extended to cover the 10452 Km2 that is Lebanon (excluding for the time being the Shebaa farms and the Ghajar village), and his explanation with regards to the Israeli maneuvers (as if it was the first time Israel undertakes such maneuvers) and how he reserves the rights (as a resistance of course) to take counter measures. Wlek ya Hassouna ma3leich, I wasn’t born yesterday.
From those “progeniture” of old prominent figures, outspoken, power crazed, megalomaniacs, new born Christians, newly released prisoners, blood stained militia leaders; to those barely riding on their family train (the likes of Arslan, Karame,…etc) WLEK FIKKO 3ANNA. Retire and enjoy all the money that you have accumulated (illegally) throughout our (doomed) first republic and still do today; and let us be.
The more we approach the “jour J”, the more I am convinced that my country is doomed.
Fuck it I say, screw them all!
BUT HOW? I am open to suggestions.

May 19, 2009 Posted by | Arslan, Christian, Damour, Hassan Nasrallah, Hizbullah, Israel, Kamal Jumblat, Lebanese Forces, Lebanon, Michel Aoun, Rachid Karame, Saad Hariri, Tayyar, Walid Jumblat | | 5 Comments