Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

Aoun latest outburst.

Below is the main reason (I got from a “very reliable source”) why Aoun refused Hariri’s lunch invitation.

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August 17, 2009 Posted by | Michel Aoun, Saad Hariri | , , | 11 Comments

Hooray, hooray; summer is here !

Hooray, hooray; summer is here, tourists are flocking and Lebanese are benefiting. Cabinet or not; who gives a damn. My country is once again attracting tourists spending their oily green dollars in local institutions. This summer Lebanon has regained it’s place in tourist guides, not as “the Paris of the Middle East”; but more as the cheap brothel for low class (a better word would be NO CLASS) Middle Eastern carnal pleasure seeking half humans. As long as M14 and M8 keep (relatively) calm until early October, our dear one finger sandal wearing brothers will feel safe spending their money (and I will not dwell into how) in exchange of services we render. Youpppppppie, all is well!
So for the time being no one seems to care about, Saad, the Iztaz, the Doctor, the general (his son in law),the divine protector, the crazy guy from Moukhtara…etc, and especially no one seems to care about LEBANON.
My recollection of one of the countries I visited is depicted below, I wonder how would any “khaliji” describe his summer in Lebanon.

A place to lay me down to sleep: 55th & 5th

One of the best pizzas I ever had : 1295 3rd Avenue west Houston St

Dinner & a drink: 29E 65th St

Late night: 47W 20th st

Innocence found: 767 5th Avenue

Christmas lunch: West 67th st, central park west

And this is only one memory.

To those tourist who came with a “high” respect for the Lebanese (especially their women), and to those Lebanese who have lost all signs of respect; I dedicate (after my regular TFEH!) this song.

July 21, 2009 Posted by | Central Park, Elton John, F.A.O Shwartz, Ferrier, Gebran Bassil, La Mezza Luna, Limelight, Michel Aoun, Nabih Berri, New York, Samir Geagea, Simon & Garfunkel, St Regis, Tavern on the green | , | 9 Comments

Now that I voted, I can gloat !

Although as a Christian (by birth) the “Massih7 al dajjal” won in my little corner of this Biblical land of MINE. No matter how marginal his victory is; it does pain me to see my quaint little village swooped away by ignorance. Just like Steve Miller said : “the road is long with many a winding turn…, but I am strong…” . I am Strong enough in my beliefs that in 4 years my battle, I will FULLY win; for today’s victory is nothing but the start.

Blue Finger

Today, I bask in the luxury of “gloating”, for I had my fears. A fear which was shared by all the true patriots (which I proudly call the knights of the 10452 Km2 round table). Mordred (the demented general) was inflicted his first blow. Even Morgan Le Fay (Hassouna) , Mordred’s divine protector admitted defeat, and is now concocting some yet unknown devilish potion.

Tais toi

But “Excalibur” was taken out of the stone, and Sir Galahad started his quest for the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail which in 4 years from now will cleanse this land of “milk and honey”, and Mordred and Morgan Le Fay will be cast down to hell. The battle has just begun, in the hope that the majority elected will finally show some balls.
No to armed militias.
No to Hizbullah.
No Tawheed al massareyn.
No to armed Palestinians (within and outside the camps).
No to the “tawtin”.
And, No to the false messiah with demeaning slogans.

holy_grail_660

The Knights will prevail !

June 10, 2009 Posted by | Excalibur, Hassan Nasrallah, Hizballah, Holy Grail, King Arthur, Michel Aoun, Mordred, Morgan Le Fay, Sir Galahad, Sir Lancelot, Steve Miller Band | , | 7 Comments

To vote or not to vote

A “pivotal moment” seems to be the label put by all upon the upcoming elections. Every single Tom, Dick & Harry is trying his hardest to sway electoral votes his way with half baked promises and distorted images of their respective gruesome past. Mentions of a “powerful”, “independent”, “free of any foreign influence”, “corruption free”, “debt free”, “prosperous” …etc ; are being flogged by the dozen on local TV stations.
“Vote for me” they all say “for I am your ONLY salvation”.
The streets are cluttered with cars branding different colored flags on their way to political rallies, which span all over the 10452Km2 we once called home. And for the few of us who still actually work, once we get home, we are faced with local TV stations reminding us once again, that THEY ARE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
Before going any further in my ramblings tonight, let me reiterate that I do not adhere to any political party, I am Lebanese (and this is the cross I bear). I have spent numerous hours lately watching (so called) political debates and reading articles pertaining to the upcoming elections with a very critical eye, in the hope of finding a “divine” (and no I am not referring to Hassouna) sign which will point me towards voting for the “lesser of two evil” (yes this is what the upcoming elections come down to). Suddenly, EUREKA! A name came to my mind, that of Joseph Sader. His story (disappearance) is only 4 months old, but not many care to remember. Our dear (soon to be RE-ELECTED) warlords recall and use all the missing citizens in the past 30 years, but none mentions Joseph.
In February 2009 an MEA employee was kidnapped on his way home and hasn’t been heard of ever since. Kidnapped in an area that is indisputably known to be controlled by this crazed, turban wearing, Iranian allegiance pledging, divine local protector of all downtrodden Arabs in the universe (and beyond).

joseph-sader

Within 24 hours of his disappearance, rumors came out that he was passing information to the enemy (No not Syria, but our ONLY enemy Israel); then another story that he was handed over to the Lebanese army (which later was denied).
Recently the Lebanese authorities have successfully dismantled a couple of Israeli spy networks, but as far as we the people are concerned, the name of Joseph did not figure in any of the affidavits given by those arrested. So where is Joseph?
I could put past me (but no I can’t) 7harb al ta7hrir, 7harb al ilgha, Holiday Inn, Terry Wait, Morabitoun, Fath, Ahmad Jibril, Sabra & Chatila, Damour…etc; I thought we had moved forward. But calling the 7th of May a glorious day; still rings in my ear. The ONE major artery is controlled by a crazed lunatic, and Joseph faith is known only to him. My decision has been made, on Sunday, I will vote (in the south) AGAINST HIM and those who associated with him (M.O.U).
WLEK TFEH!

June 2, 2009 Posted by | Damour, Fath, Hassan Nasrallah, Hizbullah, Isarel, Michel Aoun, Mourabitoun, Syria, Terry Waite | , , | 8 Comments

Wlek Tfeh !

“3rd republic”, “Ô glorious day (7th of May)”, “Syrian interference in the Bekaa”, “your father is a liar and so is your mother”, “it was just a slip of the tongue”, “we won’t forget as long as the sky is blue” ….etc.
A defective cellular network, traffic jams due to (supposedly) uncoordinated efforts, tension running high in the streets once again, and a faulty keyboard; are more than I can bear!
C’est quoi ce bordel (sorry Ekios)! I came back home in the hope of retiring and resting my weary bones. And all of you, who once deprived me of my childhood and innocence, are now making sure that my last days will not be any different.
1) Hassouna: 7th of May is nothing short in comparison to the 20th of January 1976 (Damour), or (another event that you might better relate to, for the time being) September 18th 1982 (Sabra & Chatila), or even (and this is just to ruffle your feathers, or shall I say turban) 2nd of October 1983 (attack on the American barracks), or any other bloody day within our history.
2) Micho: Kelloun kezzabin wa oukhwat charmouta; but on October 13th 1990, who was the one who fled in his pajamas to the French embassy leaving his soldiers behind? Granted it is the dream of every single “true Lebanese” to live freely in a country that is independent, sovereign, and enjoys territorial integrity, and moreover you talk (not so calmly) of “fassad”. I ask of you: Where is our sovereignty when our destiny you have tied (via your MOU with the Hizb) to that of Palestine and the Israeli problem? Where is this independence and sovereignty, when one of your sponsors (again via your MOU with the Hezb) has yet to demarcate the borders? Where does the “fasad” lays , when you can afford to deface the endless kilometers of Lebanese soil with your demeaning slogans?
3) Doc Geagea: I guess that the years spent in solitary in a basement at the “wizaret al difa3” were not enough to wash away the misdeeds of your past (and yours might need at least three generations of semi amnesiacs in order to ensure some kind of redemption). I do not give a crap if you have spent your time reading the Bible or any other religious book; your past (bloody and painful) is still vividly engraved in my soul that (to quote yet another idiot) “ma binsa wil sama zarka”.
4) Walid Beik: “A slip of the tongue”????? why ? was your head shoved up Hassouna’s arse so far that you took a liking to it? Or is it the “survival of the fittest”? How many more changes of allegiances will it take you to finally make a firm stand? Kamal is rolling in his grave, for he had the courage to stand for his beliefs (and that is why he was silenced). Go back to riding motorbikes, for you have shamed (and no I am not sectarian) your fellow Lebanese.
5) Goatee Saad : As a new comer in this cesspool, you should have stuck to taking care of your father’s “international” business. This new found Sunni alliance with the LF (and other Christian fractions) will not hold for long, in their (Christians that is) minds it is nothing but the lesser of two evils.
The list of grievances is long and encompasses the entire political class, wlek TFEH AND KISS EKHTKOUN KELLKOUN. I do not care if Brahim Kenaan’s convoy was attacked a couple of days ago, nor do I care about the exchange of gun fire in Becharre within the Touk family; but I am worried about the two last speeches of Hassouna (our divine leader) who started by (whilst pointing and shaking his finger in anger) telling us that the vents of the 7th f May are not only glorious but could also be extended to cover the 10452 Km2 that is Lebanon (excluding for the time being the Shebaa farms and the Ghajar village), and his explanation with regards to the Israeli maneuvers (as if it was the first time Israel undertakes such maneuvers) and how he reserves the rights (as a resistance of course) to take counter measures. Wlek ya Hassouna ma3leich, I wasn’t born yesterday.
From those “progeniture” of old prominent figures, outspoken, power crazed, megalomaniacs, new born Christians, newly released prisoners, blood stained militia leaders; to those barely riding on their family train (the likes of Arslan, Karame,…etc) WLEK FIKKO 3ANNA. Retire and enjoy all the money that you have accumulated (illegally) throughout our (doomed) first republic and still do today; and let us be.
The more we approach the “jour J”, the more I am convinced that my country is doomed.
Fuck it I say, screw them all!
BUT HOW? I am open to suggestions.

May 19, 2009 Posted by | Arslan, Christian, Damour, Hassan Nasrallah, Hizbullah, Israel, Kamal Jumblat, Lebanese Forces, Lebanon, Michel Aoun, Rachid Karame, Saad Hariri, Tayyar, Walid Jumblat | | 5 Comments

Signing my own death warrant!

On the 8th of June, when Syria and Iran stooges (March 8th that is) will win the elections; my self declared death warrant will come to effect. This death sentence will be self executed, for the powers that be, will be too busy rejoicing.
The executor of such a warrant, although not necessarily part of the firing squad; is no other than the “appointed” leader of the opposition, better known as Michel Aoun “the demented general”.
Whilst riffles are being pointed at me, my last request would be for you to follow the link below.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | Michel Aoun | 10 Comments

Soyez beaux et fikko 3an …….. !!!

sois-belle

How stupid and demeaning can one get !

Wlek Tfeh !

April 20, 2009 Posted by | Michel Aoun, Tayyar | , | 9 Comments

Confessions of an ex Aounist

Lately I have been unable to freely write, and with rigor, about my visions and aspirations with regards to MY Lebanon. Disillusioned by M14 and their lack of balls; my hatred (as a Lebanese and as a Christian) towards Micho grew stronger ( I wonder why).

aoun-monkey-business2 I still remember “Beit al cha3b” and promises made; even “la France notre mere patrie” was moved by the words and promises of what turned out to be nothing but a demented general.

More death and destruction followed, and when push came to shove; a pajama wearing general fled, leaving ALL his men behind.theliberator

Lebanese passports were given to French dignitaries and citizens in what they thought was a sign of solidarity with the plight of the Lebanese against Syrian savagery; only to find later on that they were illegal.

I wonder if any of those 1500 applicants (or the few who actually were given the travel documents) bothered to apply for the red passport which came in vigor after  Micho was ousted. And if they did, can they vote in the upcoming elections?

Years have passed since, and I tried to forget. I’ve laid down my gun before you sat on that cursed chair in Baabda and went to self exile; but I kept my  sharp tongue.

l_2c8e4f472f286358dc1a941cd53807b01A tongue I used in exile to promote your cause in the hope of a dignified return; but you have robbed me of my hope. Then again one can say “no big deal” for I have lived years of struggle and strife and come out relatively intact (the emphasis on relatively).

The days of a lesser evil have long been gone, and are now utterly unacceptable. The return of Lebanon’s prodigal son turned out to be (especially to Christian Lebanese) the coming of the false messiah. manifestation-orange3 Your MOUwith Hizbullah did more damage than the Taef accord which you bark constantly about, claiming to be the protector of all of Christianity within the Middle East. No thank you, your so called vision not only stands against INDEPENDENCE, SOVEREIGNTY AND TERRITORIAL INTEGRITY (which may I remind you was YOUR slogan), but against  the very essence of what once was a glorious and Biblical land; an oasis amongst arid land filled with bigotry and hatred. History will one day depict all of your shortcomings for generations to come. And me in my grave, I will be rolling over with laughter !

March 17, 2009 Posted by | Hizballah, Michel Aoun | , | 18 Comments

Why we should all vote against Michel Aoun

As a disgruntled ex “Aounist” and a “true Lebanese”, I can’t help but feel not only disappointment but hatred towards what I consider (especially after his latest “propos”) as the biggest traitor Lebanon ever witnessed. Whatever happened to “The World Movement for the Liberation of Lebanon “and your slogan of “Independence, Sovereignty and Freedom”? I guess “Beit Al sha3b” who drew thousands risking their lives, you have now rented (cheap) to those who ousted you wearing only pajamas.

Came a time when you had the support of many from all creeds and religions (Druze, Sunnies, Shia, Christians, rich and poor) provided you with a human shield against those whom once you considered as being the foes of what Lebanon stood for. Even the Lebanese Diaspora voluntarily mobilized itself and became a patron to your cause; the cause (of what they thought was) the way towards a free and truly independent Lebanon.

london-marathon-pic

Said Akl (that half crazy has been local poet) recited poetry praising your accomplishments (although at the time they were none), people danced on the road to Baabda, restaurants delivered free food to all those who protected (risking their own lives) you by staging a sit in anxiously waiting for you to grace them with a few (unfounded) promises.
And (along with many others) me in my country of exile, I demonstrated in front of embassies in harsh weather conditions, convinced that this was my patriotic duty. We collected money when you could no longer afford to pay the wages to those Lebanese army soldiers (who whole heartedly) believed that they could finally protect their fellow citizens from the Syrian sword that had caused so many martyrs, and transferred them to your bank account. Many of those very same soldiers who believed in you and your cause were slaughtered, and those who survived were stripped naked and made to walk and spit on posters depicting your “moronic” profile in your military suit by the hands of those you now swear allegiance to, and I quote my dear “traitor”: “The Syrians and the Iranians helped Lebanon, and I do not care if these words anger anyone”.
Well these words anger me and the families of those soldiers who died when you decided to flee to the French embassy. These words anger every single Lebanese (and there still aren’t enough of them) whom for one second believed that you could have been the protector and liberator of this holly land. You pissed on all that was sacred to this once great nation of ours.

Now you claim to be the epitome of the true “wifak watani” with your alliance with those outlaws that don’t even recognize the rule of law; which not long ago was part of the war you fought against fellow citizens (LF to be precise).
I won’t spend any more time detailing your failures and showing your true face (of the traitor and demented general that you are) for I know that many share my views, and the few followers you have are moved by the (false) need to have a so called Christian representation to follow, lacking another alternative (that of the LF).
Dear General, you have recently given us enough material enabling us to write volumes on the subject of traitor, deceit, megalomania, dictatorship…etc. You remind me of one of my favorite “bande dessinee” character, that of IZNOGOOD : “je veux etre califee a la place du calife”.
Well to you my dear general I say : “not in your wildest dreams”, just like Iznogood we will all laugh at all your failed attempts; the only difference be it that in comic books no one gets hurts. I guess that you never understood the difference!
A disgruntled ex Aounist.

February 11, 2009 Posted by | Lebanon, Michel Aoun, Patriotism, Politics, Said Akl | , | 13 Comments

Ă bon entendeur salut !

Je ne vais pas mâcher mes mots, à bon entendeur salut !
Regardless of politics and the latest bilateral talks with our sisterly neighbour; I would like tonight to rant about MY own perception of Lebanon. Lebanon my country of origin, the Lebanon I once vowed to protect, the Lebanon I believed in.
In the mid seventies, hell broke loose and many Lebanese took up arms. Each and everyone fought for what they thought was the Lebanese cause by “excellence”. Allegiances were made, broken, replaced; while Lebanese shed their blood (in vain). Hundreds of ceasefires were agreed upon, but never respected; hatred grew stronger. The Palestinians turned from refugees to main instigators of death and destruction in their vain attempt to create a state within a state (the Kissinger plan), the Syrian army switched from a member of an Arab Peace Keeping force into an invader. Even Somalia (via its mercenaries, thanks to the Iztaz and Amal) became a source death. Our neighbour in the south, one moonless night decided to join in the bloodiest show of force. Some (Lebanese) did see in the southerly incursion a way towards salvation and the establishment of their own vision of Lebanon.
But this is war, one might say; all is allowed.
All is allowed. Even snipers on roof tops being paid by the kill. People being tied to car bumpers (alive) and being dragged down the street until dead. People having their throats cut with a Boucher knife from ear to ear for belonging to a different sect. Entire villages and towns massacred…etc.
Remember those days my fellow Lebanese; but also remember those who sponsored such terror (both local and foreign). Those are the same people whom today claim to have your best interest at heart.
Guns, canons, mortars, ammunitions, shells, tanks, and hefty banker’s checks were given to us graciously by those who today claim to have our best interest at heart, and yes I am repeating myself.
10 years within our civil war, all conflicting parties knew that an absolute win was nothing else than a pipe dream. This fact did not stop them from further pushing Lebanon into the abyss.
Our neighbor from the north waved its magical wand and the war stopped (invasion of Kuwait, Desert Storm, American foreign policy, Syria being the last Arab country to give its OK, Michel Aoun in the French embassy in pajamas…etc) and we became a satellite state for an oppressive neighborly regime. Meanwhile the biggest threat to Lebanon was growing stronger; Hizbullah was enjoying a free reign.
From endless months of camping paralyzing down town Beirut and causing many business to close, to yet another divine victory when a child killer was freed; this cancer was further injected into the few remaining healthy limbs of our country.
Wake up people of this once great nation, for M14’ers have sold out and Hizbollah has officially taken over. Do not expect much from the upcoming elections, Syria’s influence is once again predominant.

Lancelot

August 16, 2008 Posted by | Beirut, Hizbollah, Israel, Kissinger, Kuwait, Lebanon, Michel Aoun, Palestinians, Politics, Syria | Leave a comment