Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

Hooray, hooray; summer is here !

Hooray, hooray; summer is here, tourists are flocking and Lebanese are benefiting. Cabinet or not; who gives a damn. My country is once again attracting tourists spending their oily green dollars in local institutions. This summer Lebanon has regained it’s place in tourist guides, not as “the Paris of the Middle East”; but more as the cheap brothel for low class (a better word would be NO CLASS) Middle Eastern carnal pleasure seeking half humans. As long as M14 and M8 keep (relatively) calm until early October, our dear one finger sandal wearing brothers will feel safe spending their money (and I will not dwell into how) in exchange of services we render. Youpppppppie, all is well!
So for the time being no one seems to care about, Saad, the Iztaz, the Doctor, the general (his son in law),the divine protector, the crazy guy from Moukhtara…etc, and especially no one seems to care about LEBANON.
My recollection of one of the countries I visited is depicted below, I wonder how would any “khaliji” describe his summer in Lebanon.

A place to lay me down to sleep: 55th & 5th

One of the best pizzas I ever had : 1295 3rd Avenue west Houston St

Dinner & a drink: 29E 65th St

Late night: 47W 20th st

Innocence found: 767 5th Avenue

Christmas lunch: West 67th st, central park west

And this is only one memory.

To those tourist who came with a “high” respect for the Lebanese (especially their women), and to those Lebanese who have lost all signs of respect; I dedicate (after my regular TFEH!) this song.

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July 21, 2009 Posted by | Central Park, Elton John, F.A.O Shwartz, Ferrier, Gebran Bassil, La Mezza Luna, Limelight, Michel Aoun, Nabih Berri, New York, Samir Geagea, Simon & Garfunkel, St Regis, Tavern on the green | , | 9 Comments

A special dedication to all those who voted for the Iztaz today!

In the hope that the bananas will be shoved up your arses in bunches without “Vaseline”, you sold out “monkeys”.

Swing from chair to chair in parliament (especially you, Walid beik), for in my eyes I hold more respect for “monkeys” than I have for the lot of you.
Wlek TFEH !

Cheeky Monkey

June 26, 2009 Posted by | Nabih Berri | , | 2 Comments

Surtout, ne dormez pas sur vos lauriers !

Not even ten days have passed since the majority won (regardless of what others still claim) the “democratic” elections; that the dark clouds above the Lebanese skies started forming.
.Samer Hanna’s killer was freed (yes on bail).
.The “Iztaz” is most likely, if not definitely going to be reelected.
.Back to “Tawlet Al HIMAR” in order to discuss, and unanimously agree upon key issues (such as Hizbullah’s arms).
‘Israel (after Netanyahu’s speech) is still our number one (and only) enemy.
.National unity government … etc.

BEWARE my newly elected and reelected M14 rs, for you have won with the votes of those I always called “the silent majority”; and they will not sit idle this time. You have been given a second chance (faute de mieux) and you should use it wisely. Gone are the days of compromise and pussy footing. The time has come for all of you to realize that this is your VERY last chance, and decisive action is needed (if not expected).
• The Iztaz had his 17 years of monopoly in parliament, I think it’s enough.
• ‘Les bras ouverts’ to those who lost, is a sign of weakness. Theirs were always (and still are) closed.
• The Doha agreement served its purpose and should only be remembered as a sad chapter in Lebanon’s history.
• Mustapha Hassan Moukaddem should be made accountable for the KILLING of Samer Hanna if only to preserve the dignity of the Lebanese army, and this should not be the case nor the excuse.
• All Palestinian camps should be free of arms in order not to have to deal with another Nahr Al Bared.
• Getting FINALLY rid of the notion of “tawhid al massareyn”.
• Border demarcation between our “sisterly” nation in the north.
• “Bayan al kassam” of the new government should clearly state that decision to go to war lies solely within the Lebanese government, and not in the hands of our local divine turban wearing Iranian puppet and his follower.
• Reviewing all the past treaties signed under Syrian hegemony.
• The return of all Lebanese (dead or alive) in Syrian territories.
• Having the balls to ask Syria for financial compensation (like they did) for the all the money and resources they siphoned during 30 years of OCCUPATION.
• Giving “rightful” status to Lebanese Jews (no longer labeling them “Israelite s”), and moreover representation in parliament.
Mark my words, if you fail this time, there won’t be a rock left in Lebanon for you (M14rs) to crawl under. And if you do fail, the “silent majority” which tipped the scale this time; should demonstrate, burn tires, block roads, erect tents and demand not only your removal, but your public hanging.
The above is nothing but a small sample of what is expected of those we have entrusted (half heartedly) with our notions of what the Cedar Revolution was all about. Samir and Jibran have moved on to greener pastures, I wish that time will never come when they will turn in their graves.

Lebanesegirlwithflags

June 18, 2009 Posted by | Hizbullah, Isarel, M14, Mustapha Hassan Moukaddem, Nabih Berri, Samer Hanna | , , , | 3 Comments