Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

Parliamentary zoo. A Lebanese find!

The zoo officially opened its doors two days ago and we the people were graced with a vast array of not so domesticated and friendly animals. I am guessing that many of you (like me) have attempted to follow this pitiful spectacle trying find the least beastly of all the animals on display. Even my dog could not stand such dismal display of animosity. As soon as I switched the channel on the TV to the parliamentary debate he hid under the table and meowed in fear.

Many of those animals have exceeded their normal life expectancy and despite their old age are still showing extreme signs of good health; roaring, braying even crowing like they never did before. Some at times took a nap, while some others were eying there next prey. And the so called king of this farce of a jungle sat on his rock occasionally roaring out loud remind all that after 19 years he still is the elder, the iztez.

Wlek TFEH!

TFEH on me first and on all the “sheeple” (the Lebanese that is) that still sit idle, while a bunch of savage animals decide their faith. Nagging does no longer cut it, our voices will never be heard for they are  falling (and has been for ages) on not only deaf, but selfish ears.

Wake up and rebel, reclaim you rights; regain your once great culture. Become a nation and reclaim the 10452 Km2 that once were the envy of all our neighbors.
Al sha3b yourid iskat heik taba2a siyesiyeh feisdeh !

WLEK TFEH !

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April 19, 2012 Posted by | Politics | , , | 3 Comments

My take on Syria !

30 years of blatant and murderous hegemony and not even a whisper was ever uttered from the mouth of any of our “brothers and sisters” from the north. This very same despotic regime which inflicted over a hundred thousand of deaths in this Biblical land of milk and honey went not only unpunished, but never mentioned or even held accountable for, and here I am today expected to raise my “humanitarian” voice in anger. Why were you ALL so silent when my land was being pillaged and our women being raped? At that time you deemed it acceptable that my people had dues to pay in the name of Kaymiyeh 3arabieh?
Here you are now, my “so called” brothers and sisters seeking recognition for your new found rebellion against this same regime that once wreaked mayhem amongst my people and now is killing you by the dozens, and you are asking for refuge and a safe haven within MY 10452Km2 which you fought against.

Many before you had their own plans and misconceived ideas with regards of how easily it would be to push their own agendas in a country plagued by so many conflicting and ever changing minorities seeking to keep hold of the upper hand. What you fail to comprehend is that Lebanon, since its first independence, was never a nation; for there is no such thing as a “true Lebanese”. We are (Lebanese that is) nothing more than a bunch of fanatic bigots with the biggest superiority complex ever known to man.

Yes our ancestors invented the alphabet and the “ourjouwan” colour, yes they were tradesmen by excellence; but look at our “people” now, and they are the lowest denominator when it comes to patriotism.

You might ask, aren’t I supposed to at least shed a tear for those innocent children being murdered on a daily basis by the “ba3sist” regime? My reply would ,and will always be, name one who’s eyes watered when Maya Bashir Gemayel was murdered (by mistake).

Yes in this instance I have lost the last iota of humanity I had left, and I am now longing for the day when civil war will actually brake out (and it will) within our so called “sisterly” state in hope that I will be part of this “kowait al rade3” and repay them at least 50% of the pain their government inflicted upon MY people.

If there is a God, I hope that I might live to see the day whereby the Syrian government (present or to come) will wonder for hundreds of years as to the faith of those who are rotting in Lebanese jails and will get no answer (a tooth for a tooth the Bible said, well according to me a tooth for an entire “dentier”) .

Michel Aoun and all those who are attempting to legitimize the regime’s crimes “can eat my dirty knickers” on a daily basis.
My bitterness is so great that it has extended way beyond the regime.
The blood MY people shed will never go in vain, so if my words might sound harsh and stripped of all common decency, burn me to the stake for I do not give a damn!
The day of reckoning is coming !!!

Wlek TFEH !

March 8, 2012 Posted by | Politics | , | 2 Comments

As far as I am concerned !

Patriarch Rai can grow his beard, wear a turban and take turn to lead us to yet another (devastating) divine victory.

Walid Jumblat can get on his Harley and ride unto the sunset never to be heard of again.

Nabih Berri can turn parliament to a big Roman orgy.

Samir Geagea can decide become a monk in the hope to be canonized after his passing.

Saad Hariri can turn downtown Beirut into a red light district and become its higher paid customer.

Michel Aoun can direct and star in a new version of Mel brook’s history of the world.

Amine Gemayel can create his own line of hair care products.

Talal Arslan can open up a free psychiatric ward for all those who have an inferiority complex.

Hassan Nasrallah can get on his white horse waiving his sword (like Mar Elias) protecting all Arab widows and orphans.

As far as I am concerned, they, and all our political class, past and current might not even have a place reserved for them in hell, for the devil might be afraid that they will oust him.

September 25, 2011 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Syrian Karma

* For over 30 years we have endured what you are JUST beginning to endure.
* For over 30 years the world stood silent towards the blatant abuse your regime is now inflicting upon you (after many years of practice).
* For over 30 years my country was run to the ground so that the same murderous family could keeps its power and insures its survival.
* For over 30 years fear prevailed, violently silencing the strongest of opposition voices.
* For over 30 years mothers wept (and many are still weeping) awaiting closure on the fate of their long lost sons.
* For over 30 years many have waited for this day in silence !

There is (and there should be) a part of every Lebanese rejoicing in the saying :“what goes around comes around”; but somehow this “festive” feeling is dampened by the savagery the Syrian regime is inflicting upon its own people. Such criminal acts (in some twisted feeble minds) could have been justified when done by an “occupying” power against even a “sisterly” state; but harder to digest when such cruelty is inflicted against your own people (not to use the words “your own kind”).

Today (and yesterday) I feel with my (hopefully repenting brothers and sisters) who remained silent to our plight for over 30 years.

To those very same Syrian brothers and sisters I call for “Tawhid al massareyn”; in the fight for DIGNITY and freedom.

To my brothers and sisters in Syria I say :

“I forgive your silence over 30 years; better late than never. Keep up the fight and maybe one day (hopefully soon) we can both regain our dignity; DEMARCATE borders and LIVE AND LET LIVE. Keep up the struggle, and once you achieve your freedom, no need to apologize for your silence and your past complacency; it’s all in the past!

For the time being, as a Lebanese who witnessed firsthand the power of the Syrian regime’s “boot”, I am rooting for you; don’t let me down. I have no aspirations whatsoever to be “invited” to your country as “KOWAT AL RADE3” and spend 30 years pillaging, murdering, and making you feel that your security and stability depends solely on the whimsy of our local dictatorial (which is not the case) president ELECTED FOR LIFE !

May 24, 2011 Posted by | Politics | , , | Leave a comment

Michel Aoun, Hotel Dieu?

A few minutes ago, whilst I was flicking through TV channels, the news broke out that General Michel Aoun was admitted to Hotel Dieu hospital with no details whatsoever. In order to quench my thirst for details I spent time checking different local channels in search of more details, but with no avail. OTV’s banner said that Aoun went for a simple check up and that he is doing well (sigh of relief). Ok, fine Hotel Dieu’s lab can open for VIP’s. This little piece of (worthless) news reminded me of the time when champagne bottles were opened on Beit Mery’s roundabout when rumors of Hafez Al Assad’s passing took over the “sharkieh”. Yes I am about to go and buy a few cases myself, but I would rather wait. And while I am waiting, I can’t help but wonder if Hotel Dieu has enough adjacent rooms to cater for the rest of our political class; and what an irony it would be if all (our political class that is) will spend their last days in what should then be called the “seventh gate of hell” hospital.

TFEH!

March 29, 2011 Posted by | Beit Mery, Politics | , | Leave a comment

Pity my nation (or lack of)

“Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero,
and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful.
Pity a nation that despises a passion in its dream,
yet submits in its awakening.
Pity the nation that raises not its voice
save when it walks in a funeral,
boasts not except among its ruins,
and will rebel not save when its neck is laid
between the sword and the block.”

Although I am not dead yet (to the dismay of many) in am turning in my “future grave”, for nothing will never change. A deep feeling of resentment has taken over my soul; and I am convinced that once again I have taken the wrong turn in the crossroads that I thought were presented to me.
At a very young age I thought, and for a very short lapse of time, that my cause was right and that it was a cause for survival; but I was wrong then.
Then came a time in the hay days of the WMLL (world movement for the liberation of Lebanon) when I held my hopes high , foolishly thinking that it will remedy my past sins and make way for a brighter future.
And not so long ago (after a very long period of non-belonging and living in limbo ) I wrongly thought that the time was ripe for a “Cedar Revolution” that will bring back a long lost dignity, which I (then) thought was craved by many of my countrymen.
Once again I was wrong.
Just like every decision I have ever made regarding this once Biblical (and no fanaticism intended) land of mine (and to some, maybe yours) has proven not only to be the wrong one, but the one that brought me closer to disbelief in the goodness of man. This motherland of mine has proven to be nothing but a cesspool for all that is evil. No I am not cursing, nor dissing Lebanon; but I am actually cursing and dissing the Lebanese. This unique creed of pretentious sheeple who put themselves even above their 18 (legally recognized) different notions of God.
Today another nail in the coffin of what could have been (in order not to say “what was”) a great nation was hammered to the applause of many. But to those (like me) who had one last iota of hope left; it was another sad chapter in our quest for true independence, justice and the right to live free.
Today I disassociate myself from all those who still believe in any form of dialogue with all, and anyone who disregarded the results of the past elections. And furthermore I dissociate myself from those who won (because of my vote and that of hopeful Lebanese) and bent over (just to get fucked) more than once in the past two years, to the extent that it became a habit.
Your country needs you (the few remaining Lebanese) to get off your lazy arses and react. Say no to the current situation and do not wait for tents to be erected once again in downtown Beirut or for the airport road to be closed by mopeds and burning tires. Face the cold and stage a sit in in Dahieh, 3ein il tineh, Parliament square, Baabda palace; heck ABC and City Mall AND DEMAND YOUR RIGHT OF REPRESENTATION.
Say no to ALL our political class, voice your disdain in public (for once) and DEMAND a radical change.
Bidna n3ish you say? ASSUME !
Wlek Tfeh !

January 13, 2011 Posted by | Independence, Lebanon, M14, March 8, Marillion, Patriotism, Politics | , | 6 Comments

Not even close !

Definitions:

Nation: A politically unified people occupying a definite territory

Nation: A large group of people of the same race who share the same language, traditions and history, but who might not all live in one area.

And since, we Lebanese are convinced that God has given us the gift to surpass all other nations with our intellect and wit; I will leave it up to you, my fellow “chosen people” to pick which quote you deem is most suitable:

“A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on”. J.F.K

“Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought — by force of circumstances, not argument — to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them.” Mark Twain

“There was never a nation that became great until it came to the knowledge that it had nowhere in the world to go for help.” Charles Dudley Warner

“Nations! What are nations? Tartars! and Huns! and Chinamen! Like insects they swarm. The historian strives in vain to make them memorable. It is for want of a man that there are so many men. It is individuals that populate the world.” Henry David Thoreau

“If there be no nobility of descent in a nation, all the more indispensable is it that there should be nobility of ascent — a character in them that bear rule, so fine and high and pure, that as men come within the circle of its influence, they involuntarily pay homage to that which is the one pre-eminent distinction, the Royalty of Virtue.” Henry Codman Potter

“The history of any nation follows an undulatory course. In the trough of the wave we find more or less complete anarchy; but the crest is not more or less complete Utopia, but only, at best, a tolerably humane, partially free and fairly just society that invariably carries within itself the seeds of its own decadence.” Aldous Huxley

“The soil of their native land is dear to all the hearts of mankind.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

“A strong nation, like a strong person, can afford to be gentle, firm, thoughtful, and restrained. It can afford to extend a helping hand to others. It’s a weak nation, like a weak person, that must behave with bluster and boasting and rashness and other signs of insecurity.”  Jimmy Carter

“The country has charms only for those not obliged to stay there.” Edouard Manes

“As long as I have any choice, I will stay only in a country where political liberty, toleration, and equality of all citizens before the law are the rule.” Albert Einstein

“The nations morals are like its teeth, the more decayed they are the more it hurts to touch them.” George Bernard Shaw

And now that you have taken the time (and if you actually did) to read all of the above, do make your pick as to what you think reflects the current situation.

Somehow for me, nothing applies for we as Lebanese have yet to indintefy with our motherland first before we can claim identity.

Tfeh!

November 15, 2010 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fuck me gently.

Fuck me gently; for I fail to understand why, as a TRUE LEBANESE (a dying breed) still cannot comprehend:
1) Why the STL is a Zionist entity (according to SOME) without any concrete proof.
2) Why Wi’am Wahab is still allowed to profess publicly  the return of Syrian tanks (and being proud of it) into Lebanese territory in order (according to him) prevent civil strife.
3) Why a few days before the commemoration of Sabra and Chatilla did Sami Gemayel deemed it fit to recall the collaboration with Israel.
4) Why did Goatee Saad El Dine “vainly” attempted to exonerate the Syrian regime from all the political assassinations which took place, at least since 2005.
5) Why this sudden urge on the behalf of Americans and Israeli diplomats to include Syria (and maybe Lebanon) in the peace talks with Israel.
6) Why the hint of the willingness to withdraw from the Golan Heights in return for peace talks.
7) Why the local threat (from the representatives of our “divine” protector’s spokes people) of uprising by the end of September, if the STL was not abandoned by the government.
8) Why was Jamil Al Sayyed is allowed to dish out so much “unfounded” accusations on many local TV stations.
9) Why Michel Aoun (who is part of the government) can go on TV and call for civil disobedience.
The above is nothing but a few questions any TRUE LEBANESE should ask himself; but it doesn’t stop there.
A) Nadim Gemayel went on to assert his conviction that all the killings which took place during the Syrian hegemony are directly related to the Syrian Baathist regime. Some might argue that his speech emanated from a deep rooted feeling that it was about time he reclaimed his father’s (Sheikh Bashir) legacy that might have been shadowed by the fiery speeches of his cousin Sami, maybe, rightly so. For any Lebanese (and not only Christian) who believed in Bashir’s ideology, they were (to say the least) disappointed by the way Amin (his brother) pretended to keep his ideology alive. Never forget that Amin at the end of his presidential term created the vacuum, whereby appointing Michel Aoun head of the transitional government. Once Amin sat on the “cursed” presidential chair, the Kataeb began its downward spiral. From Hajj to Pakradouni to Amin’s exile to France (not that he was suffering), to the Kataeb we know today. Pierre the founder is long dead, and so is Pierre the grandson (May God rest his soul, and not because I adhere to the Kataeb); but the kataeb we know today is far from Bashir’s Kataeb. Sami can never rekindle the light of his uncle, he does not have the charisma, nor does he have the deep rooted convictions. Nadim on the other (after his last speech) hand might be on the right track.
B) Jamil El Sayyed rantings about the STL, Said Mirza, False witnesses…etc; even if they were all true allegations; can any Lebanese forget the crimes this Syrian puppet perpetrated against fellow Lebanese? Did we forget how the ISF (under his directorate and the cover of Adnan Addoum) use to dismantle demonstrations calling for freedom, independence, sovereignty, and territorial integrity (and this is a reminder to Michel Aoun)?
C) Who the Fuck is Wi’am Wahab and how many Druze does he represent? Where does he come from to be able to go on every single local TV station dishing out his threats against the government and politicians  and getting away with it? Why is it, NOW allowed to air such detrimental speeches to “al wifak al watani”, and not long ago MTV was shut down?
D) Why is it that Syria (our sister state) never lifted a finger when we were under attack and still claims that it has our best interest at heart (tawhid al massareyn). Not one single rocket was ever fired into Israel (our “only” enemy) from Syrian territories; but Syria does have pawns in Lebanon (such as Ahmad Gebril) to do its dirty work.
E) Why is America so eager to send envoys to Lebanon and Syria (and especially Syria) at the “re-start” of the Israeli-Palestinian peace talks? Who do you think will be higher on the US priority table (as an ally against an eventual Iranian strike) Lebanon or Syria?
F) This letter should stand for FUCK you Lebanese Christians (especially those who follow Michel Aoun), if you think the next “CIVIL” war (and I think it is on our doorsteps) will be Sunni against Shiaa; you are right in the middle.
Have you noticed that for once I did not mention nor bash Hizbollah? I don’t need to; Michel Aoun (Hizbollah’s proxy) has made sure to alienate all hope of a free and independent Lebanon.

N.B: No, I will not let you fuck me gently. For, like the Palestinians thought in the mid 70’s that they could take over MY land; Syria will never return and we (TRUE LEBANESE) will never be part of Walayat Al Fakih. And this is the true meaning of “MOUKAWAMEH”.

September 17, 2010 Posted by | Politics, STL | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Burn baby burn !

September 12, 2010 Posted by | Music, Politics | , | Leave a comment

I am a “Moukawem”.

Thank you Hassouna, for yet another enlightened/divine speech. Tonight your moderate tone finally convinced me of your righteousness. Yes you are our supreme leader; nazih and charif.
Mea culpa for having doubted your patriotic drive and the selfishness, no other local politician ever showed me (including those who lost their lives).
Your magnanimous words with regards to the families of those newly found spies, and how they should not be labeled and singled out (especially the “daughters”); made me not pay much attention to the fact that you called for their quick execution (if only I could post on youtube a British documentary that was made by NTV entertainment in 1995 about the savagery of executions and the death penalty which shows in its last couple of minutes how your party executed (without a trial) an alleged 3amil in front of his mother). Apart from your “relatively” calm tone of voice (and with no finger waving for a change) your female audience was showing hair. Could this be the dawn of a new “infitah” era? I must say I was impressed. More so (and not dwell in the pile of empty rhetoric and non founded justification to your divine message) when you suggested that the government should seek (after having agreed to the extensive shopping list for the LAF) during Dr. Ahmadinejad’s (the protector of all human rights) upcoming visit to Lebanon to extend its begging hand, and seek (the more than willing) Iranian’s help (of course with no strings attached, but only for the love it has for their brother Lebanese) in order to provide the LAF with the needed weapons, ie: missiles, armor piercing rockets…etc
Ya sayyed Hassan, why not at the same time, since the Iranians are so eager to help us (for free, and no strings attached) not ask for submarines, fighter planes and any other “offensive” weaponry they have in their arsenal.
In all fairness you did start, ya Hassouna, this segment of your speech by including all Arab countries and asking them to relinquish part of their military arsenal which is being stockpiled, and about to become obsolete; for better use in Lebanon (the only country who is on the frontline with our only and arch enemy Israel). I guess the answer to that is “Beggars can be choosers”.
But what really swayed me to your side, and made me wish I was a “moukawem”; was when you suggested that we should start investing in NUCLEAR power in order to resolve our electricity crisis (for peaceful purposes), just like Iran is doing. I especially appreciated the fact that you did say that you did not have exact figures, but… that it would be much cheaper than trying to resolve the crisis whilst relying on fossil fuel. Yes Hassouna, now is the time to tell the international community that this tiny country of ours (maybe yours) is about to follow on the footsteps of the country of your sponsors/masters, plagued by international sanctions. Yalla, why not. Ask Ahmedinajad to provide us with enriched uranium (for peaceful purposes that is) and the North Korean to help us build (for free) power plants. Why not, let us all together witness the effect of internationally imposed sanctions on 4.5 million people of whom the majority can hardly make ends meet (mainly those who are not sponsored by Iranian money).
Hassouna, you are a great man; for throughout your televised speech there was no mention of the deadly clashes that were taking place tonight in Beirut involving your men. Yes your cause is greater than to reflect on a few rockets that were fired amongst your people and your foes which caused people to reminisce about civil strife. It’s all good, and the “moukawameh” is greater than any individual.
Just like you said the rumors of indictments of unruly members of Hizbullah makes you laugh, for according to you those are only part of the followers and not “cadre” of you divine party. And to that I say: “How far will your jaw drop if Mughnieh is even mentioned in the STL probe”?. I guess Moughnieh was nothing more than a blind follower.

Hassouna, after your latest speech (and I don’t think I will bother with any future ones) I have decided to join the “Moukawameh”; not yours, but the true “moukawameh”; that with a sole purpose to kick your arse (and those who believe in you) out of my home. And my home is LEBANON.

August 25, 2010 Posted by | Nuclear, Politics | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment