Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

Michel Aoun, Hotel Dieu?

A few minutes ago, whilst I was flicking through TV channels, the news broke out that General Michel Aoun was admitted to Hotel Dieu hospital with no details whatsoever. In order to quench my thirst for details I spent time checking different local channels in search of more details, but with no avail. OTV’s banner said that Aoun went for a simple check up and that he is doing well (sigh of relief). Ok, fine Hotel Dieu’s lab can open for VIP’s. This little piece of (worthless) news reminded me of the time when champagne bottles were opened on Beit Mery’s roundabout when rumors of Hafez Al Assad’s passing took over the “sharkieh”. Yes I am about to go and buy a few cases myself, but I would rather wait. And while I am waiting, I can’t help but wonder if Hotel Dieu has enough adjacent rooms to cater for the rest of our political class; and what an irony it would be if all (our political class that is) will spend their last days in what should then be called the “seventh gate of hell” hospital.

TFEH!

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March 29, 2011 Posted by | Beit Mery, Politics | , | Leave a comment

Apology !

Those (few) who know me will tell you that I am not a devout practicing Christian. And those (even fewer) who read me, will remember how many times (sorry Zoon) I was critical of Mar Nasrallah Boutros Sfeir.
Today, Bkerke witnessed a ceremony, a “solemn” farewell to a man on who inherited the heavy responsibility of safekeeping the sheer survival of a (religious) community fragmented by (then) 11 years of war. His foes were many and varied, from foreign to local, and even from within his own flock. But the man stood his grounds. From “Kornet Shehwan” passing through “harb al ilgha and harb al tah7rir, to “the Cedar Revolution” and the 7th of May; I was still critical. A man of the “clothe”, I always believed should never dwell (and soil) his hands in politics.
Yes I held him responsible for not letting the people march onto Baabda and dethrone the “Lebanese Olympic swimming” despot we had for president then, and I also blamed him for succumbing to the pressures of having to come up with a list of hopeful presidential candidates when I thought (and I still think) that he should have remained silent; but now I less question his motives (not to say his wisdom and admit that I totally misread him). Today Moutran Abi Joudeh’s apology to the patriarch I related to.
This might be the time of “revolutions”, “freedom” and “power to the people” (although I doubt it). For me this is a time to extend my apology to a Lebanese figure (and not to a religious man) who sought to protect me as a LEBANESE against change from oppression to utter chaos. When today a church was burned down to the ground in Egypt; I can only wonder about some of the slogans that were shouted in “Tahrir Square” which it reminded me of Gibran’s Tweini’s famous “naksimouh bil allah al 3azim…”. Who’s going to protect, not me, but my son now?
Gebran Bassil got his knickers in a twist today and did not attend the celebration in Bkerke, for he did not have a front row seat (being THE representative for Michel Aoun). My answer is to him is the following video clip, and to the Marada movement whom representative decided to leave in the middle of the ceremony I can only say:
“Remember when Slimmy said that “the patriarch is having a “bonner” being amongst his female friends, and when his retarded followers shouted out loud “inta batrakna ya Sleiman”?
Mar Nasrallah Boutros Sfeir is a dignified man, and I apologize for some of the words I wrote about him.

N.B: In the enclosed clip, I wonder if the kid being held during the storming of Bkerkeh is not Gebran Bassil. Can someone shed a light?

March 6, 2011 Posted by | Lebanon, Mar Nasrallah Boutros Sfeir, Sleiman Frangieh | , | 9 Comments

Violence begets violence.

I can understand the anger and the frustration, but I cannot accept the similarities (save the detail of armed thugs) with what I condemned vehemently in 2008; the similarities were there for me to condemn. Yes “sticks and stones will not break my bones” as the saying goes, but this does not in any way justify stooping to their level and falling into their well laid trap. All that was missing was the herd of mopeds, AK47’s, RPG’s, and militia uniforms. This does not make the impact any less gruesome and worrying.
On the other hand, the so called peaceful demo in downtown Beirut did not attract the (expected or even hoped for) crowd. And you wonder why?
Once you took it upon yourself (Ya Tayyar Al Mustakbal) to portray this fight as typical Sunni betrayal, forgetting the very essence of the Cedar Revolution, you forgo your allies who ensured you the majority in parliament. This was supposed to be the ultimate fight for justice and freedom, and you have chosen to derail it.
Goatee Saad has amassed one mistake after another, and when his last chance of redemption was offered; his “tayyar” passed kilometers next to it. This is not a fight between the two predominant Muslim sects. This is a fight for the survival of this BIBLICAL LAND OF THE CEDARS, Hassan Nasrallah’s speech today proves this point.
Downtown Beirut tonight showed a very shy gathering and not to my surprise. For tonight Saad and Hassan made it all about a struggle of influence between 2 out of the 18 sects, that are nothing but couple of parts of the Lebanese canvas.
Fellow Lebanese at the risk of sounding like a broken record : “wake up and smell the cyanide” , say NO to all of them!
My fellow Lebanese, I leave you with the following:

And to those of you who have inspirations way beyond our borders:

January 26, 2011 Posted by | George Harisson, Imagine, John Lennon | , , , , | Leave a comment

Walid beyk: “Eat my dirty knickers” !

I still recall the evening with Marcel Ghanem (a persona non grata in my humble opinion) where more than a couple of folders where laid on the table by Walid beyk’s side (another persona non grata) in the course of an interview. A promise was made by the so called leader of the Druze community, to one day unseal those folders, and prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the Syrian regime killed his father. Where are those files now, I wonder? Did Walid beyk decide to use them to feed the fire in his chimney in Moukhtara in order to keep warm knowing that the ton of “mazout” is about to reach the 900$ mark and times are tough? Or is it nothing more than a true reflection of the leech he really is?
To those of you who had the misfortune to witness the Lebanese “civil” war”, I would like to remind you of the times when Walid Jr and Chamoun Jr (R.I.P) use to race cars in Hamra st and were clueless with regards of hereditary leadership.
After his father’s assassination, this once rebellious son HAD to take over his father’s legacy and insure the continuous burning of the Arabic flame. Faisal (from the Arslan “rival” clan) was pushed aside thanks to the great efforts of Khawla for he was not a direct fruit of her womb, and Talal was too young (and in many ways, still is). Hence, Walid beyk became the most prominent representative of one the 18 Lebanese sects.
Times came and went, people were displaced, Deir Al Kammar was besieged (his childhood friend’s fiefdom), reconciliation took place, and repentance was never said (especially not today). My fellow Lebanese and Druze I might add; how can you still rally behind such a fickle leader. Granted your other options are not so bright (Wahab and Arslan), but always remember you are Lebanese; and if your memory should fail you in that respect, then don’t label me a fanatic. Walid beyk is claiming to play a game of survival, your (the Druze) survival. But can you actually believe than when the other side reaches its long term goal (Wilayet Al Faqih), you would fit in?
Take lessons my fellow Druze from Lebanon’s history, and know damn well that you are being used, and none of you will live to tell the tail. Just remember the 7th of May.
Walid beyk : “Eat my dirty knickers”, and I am not a Druze; but I am LEBANESE.

N.B: Where is Joseph Sader?????

January 22, 2011 Posted by | Kamal Jumblat, Lebanon, Walid Jumblat, Wiam Wahab | , , | 3 Comments

Pity my nation (or lack of)

“Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero,
and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful.
Pity a nation that despises a passion in its dream,
yet submits in its awakening.
Pity the nation that raises not its voice
save when it walks in a funeral,
boasts not except among its ruins,
and will rebel not save when its neck is laid
between the sword and the block.”

Although I am not dead yet (to the dismay of many) in am turning in my “future grave”, for nothing will never change. A deep feeling of resentment has taken over my soul; and I am convinced that once again I have taken the wrong turn in the crossroads that I thought were presented to me.
At a very young age I thought, and for a very short lapse of time, that my cause was right and that it was a cause for survival; but I was wrong then.
Then came a time in the hay days of the WMLL (world movement for the liberation of Lebanon) when I held my hopes high , foolishly thinking that it will remedy my past sins and make way for a brighter future.
And not so long ago (after a very long period of non-belonging and living in limbo ) I wrongly thought that the time was ripe for a “Cedar Revolution” that will bring back a long lost dignity, which I (then) thought was craved by many of my countrymen.
Once again I was wrong.
Just like every decision I have ever made regarding this once Biblical (and no fanaticism intended) land of mine (and to some, maybe yours) has proven not only to be the wrong one, but the one that brought me closer to disbelief in the goodness of man. This motherland of mine has proven to be nothing but a cesspool for all that is evil. No I am not cursing, nor dissing Lebanon; but I am actually cursing and dissing the Lebanese. This unique creed of pretentious sheeple who put themselves even above their 18 (legally recognized) different notions of God.
Today another nail in the coffin of what could have been (in order not to say “what was”) a great nation was hammered to the applause of many. But to those (like me) who had one last iota of hope left; it was another sad chapter in our quest for true independence, justice and the right to live free.
Today I disassociate myself from all those who still believe in any form of dialogue with all, and anyone who disregarded the results of the past elections. And furthermore I dissociate myself from those who won (because of my vote and that of hopeful Lebanese) and bent over (just to get fucked) more than once in the past two years, to the extent that it became a habit.
Your country needs you (the few remaining Lebanese) to get off your lazy arses and react. Say no to the current situation and do not wait for tents to be erected once again in downtown Beirut or for the airport road to be closed by mopeds and burning tires. Face the cold and stage a sit in in Dahieh, 3ein il tineh, Parliament square, Baabda palace; heck ABC and City Mall AND DEMAND YOUR RIGHT OF REPRESENTATION.
Say no to ALL our political class, voice your disdain in public (for once) and DEMAND a radical change.
Bidna n3ish you say? ASSUME !
Wlek Tfeh !

January 13, 2011 Posted by | Independence, Lebanon, M14, March 8, Marillion, Patriotism, Politics | , | 6 Comments

The MOTHERland.

Not such a simple word, but a word nevertheless; which many used and still uses, coupled with a feeling of warmth and belonging. A word that pops out in conversations between friends and strangers alike over tea, drinks, diner, or even multi million business deals; in referral to a place of birth. A word strong enough, that if squeezed properly into any conversation could open the door to many opportunities.
And what if your MOTHERland was Lebanon? How would you fare within a casual conversation, in comparison to those born in Armenia, Yugoslavia, Kurdistan,…etc, or even the “Jews”?
You might ague your way that your ancestors invented the 7arf, ourjouan,Gebran Khalil Gebran… and even the fact that your cedars were mentioned in the bible; but where do you stand today?
Your glory days have long gone and are almost forgotten; for your recent history has been forever tarnished.
Yet those ingrate siblings (to the MOTHERland) still feel superior to their fellow man; arguing achievements hardly remembered (if not only by a few remaining academics). I ask of you my fellow Lebanese: When did you last contribute to this world, and moreover what was your contribution? Was it your arrogance, you superiority complex, your hatred for one another, your recent lack of culture, your down town Beirut (more like an Arab brothel), your example of democracy, your respect for women’s rights, your educational system, or even the only true “resistance” movement?
This MOTHERland of ours (the few Lebanese remaining) has suffered the worst kind of labor giving birth to all her children; and through the years witnessed two thirds of them abandon her, seeking the warmth of some other surrogate mother.
And those who stayed, just like any teenager, rebelled.
As the years went by the MOTHERland was used and abused, in a way never documented before (once again we are pioneers). And there she stood lovingly silent waiting for the “recognition” phase. A simple “Mea culpa” would have sufficed, for all to be forgotten, and harmony (amongst her children) to reign again
But those words were never uttered!
Abuse led to more abuse. And some even took it further to call the MOTHERland a whore, citing the previous rapes she suffered in order to justify the venom they were throwing at her face. Little do they know that they are the fruit of such a barbaric rape, and that the MOTHERland nurtured them and gave them a safe haven against all those who thought it was best to opt for an abortion.

This MOTHERland I am writing about today is nothing short of every single mother who had to bite her lip (until it bled) in silence when one (if not all) of her children thought he knew best. This is the same mother who stayed awake waiting for her last child to come home in order to make sure that all her children were safe, and was the first one to awake and make breakfast. This is the same mother who never expected anything in return, but was “hoping” for some appreciation and a little (just a little) respect. But moreover this is the mother who loved all her children the same unequivocally.
I am writing about the mother who faced all the dangers that came her way and had just one worry, that no harm will fall upon her children, regardless of her own life. I am writing about a mother, OUR mother, OUR MOTHERland who is now dying at the hands of those she gave birth to and are now digging her grave .
So if your regard LEBANON as your MOTHERland (and even if it so happens that your mother is called Loubnan) just bow in respect , for you will never ever find a love as true and everlasting.

The Lebanese Jester

December 18, 2010 Posted by | Personal | , | 2 Comments

Independence day !

When a picture “paints” a thousand words.

Tfeh!

November 22, 2010 Posted by | Paintings, Zeina Lteif | , | Leave a comment

Not even close !

Definitions:

Nation: A politically unified people occupying a definite territory

Nation: A large group of people of the same race who share the same language, traditions and history, but who might not all live in one area.

And since, we Lebanese are convinced that God has given us the gift to surpass all other nations with our intellect and wit; I will leave it up to you, my fellow “chosen people” to pick which quote you deem is most suitable:

“A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on”. J.F.K

“Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought — by force of circumstances, not argument — to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them.” Mark Twain

“There was never a nation that became great until it came to the knowledge that it had nowhere in the world to go for help.” Charles Dudley Warner

“Nations! What are nations? Tartars! and Huns! and Chinamen! Like insects they swarm. The historian strives in vain to make them memorable. It is for want of a man that there are so many men. It is individuals that populate the world.” Henry David Thoreau

“If there be no nobility of descent in a nation, all the more indispensable is it that there should be nobility of ascent — a character in them that bear rule, so fine and high and pure, that as men come within the circle of its influence, they involuntarily pay homage to that which is the one pre-eminent distinction, the Royalty of Virtue.” Henry Codman Potter

“The history of any nation follows an undulatory course. In the trough of the wave we find more or less complete anarchy; but the crest is not more or less complete Utopia, but only, at best, a tolerably humane, partially free and fairly just society that invariably carries within itself the seeds of its own decadence.” Aldous Huxley

“The soil of their native land is dear to all the hearts of mankind.” Marcus Tullius Cicero

“A strong nation, like a strong person, can afford to be gentle, firm, thoughtful, and restrained. It can afford to extend a helping hand to others. It’s a weak nation, like a weak person, that must behave with bluster and boasting and rashness and other signs of insecurity.”  Jimmy Carter

“The country has charms only for those not obliged to stay there.” Edouard Manes

“As long as I have any choice, I will stay only in a country where political liberty, toleration, and equality of all citizens before the law are the rule.” Albert Einstein

“The nations morals are like its teeth, the more decayed they are the more it hurts to touch them.” George Bernard Shaw

And now that you have taken the time (and if you actually did) to read all of the above, do make your pick as to what you think reflects the current situation.

Somehow for me, nothing applies for we as Lebanese have yet to indintefy with our motherland first before we can claim identity.

Tfeh!

November 15, 2010 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hassan and the honor of the divine vagina !

A sigh of relief I had when I caught the last part of our divine protector speech tonight.
Finally someone had the balls to stand up for Lebanese honor which (as he claims) is being trampled upon by the Western evil that is the STL.
How dare those foreign, loosed morals, Zionist tainted investigators question the state of local vaginas?

Shame and damnation on all of us, who do not see the disgrace in such a blatant invitation to debauchery!
Thank you, oh great one for I will now run to my wife gynecologist and ask for her file, just in case she might have implanted (and you know where) some weird communication device enabling the enemy to track my ins and outs.
Wlek tfeh !

October 28, 2010 Posted by | Dr Iman Charara, Vagina | , , , , , | 7 Comments

You are not welcome Mr Ahmadinejad !

Today we will witness a warm welcome to the devil incarnate (Ahmadinejad) and another black page will be added to Lebanon’s history.
To all of you who are still in the dark as to why many of us oppose such a visit, one reason could be the support it brings to our local devil, and why devil you might ask ?

Do you remember?

October 13, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 1 Comment