Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

As far as I am concerned !

Patriarch Rai can grow his beard, wear a turban and take turn to lead us to yet another (devastating) divine victory.

Walid Jumblat can get on his Harley and ride unto the sunset never to be heard of again.

Nabih Berri can turn parliament to a big Roman orgy.

Samir Geagea can decide become a monk in the hope to be canonized after his passing.

Saad Hariri can turn downtown Beirut into a red light district and become its higher paid customer.

Michel Aoun can direct and star in a new version of Mel brook’s history of the world.

Amine Gemayel can create his own line of hair care products.

Talal Arslan can open up a free psychiatric ward for all those who have an inferiority complex.

Hassan Nasrallah can get on his white horse waiving his sword (like Mar Elias) protecting all Arab widows and orphans.

As far as I am concerned, they, and all our political class, past and current might not even have a place reserved for them in hell, for the devil might be afraid that they will oust him.

September 25, 2011 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Half a century…… almost!

Half a century almost; and STILL I am in search of answers.
Half a century almost; and I am STILL being forced to deal with forced changes.
Half a century almost; and my future STILL seems insecure.
Half a century almost; and my disdain is STILL ever growing.
Half a century almost; And STILL I can’t claim to be part of ONE nation and ONE people.
Half a century almost; and I STILL have my gun close by in my night stand.

The above is nothing but a mere ‘lucarne’ to the soul of those Lebanese born into the early 60’s, and still believe in the land of the Cedars (and for those less romantic you can call it LEBANON).
From Bechara Al Khoury, Majid Arslan, Kamal Junblat, Camille Chamoun, Fouad Chehab, Antoun Saadeh, to Maarouf Saad, Etienne Sakr, , Saad Haddad, Ibrahim Kulaylat..etc ending with the likes of Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Mouammar Al Kaddafi, Yasser Arafat… and many more; we should have realized a long time ago that we are (according to the “then and now” prevailing powers) “disposable”, not even as a nation or people; just plain DISPOSABLE. And we still are.
Over 180,000 shed blood for their different vision of the motherland; and here we are today standing (gun in hand) at square one. Two generations (and the third is in the making) since our so called independence and the divide is growing deeper. The fear of one (OK only a couple) of the 18 different religious sects trying to take over and change the face of Lebanon, is a notion I never would have even entertained, but has now became ‘food for thought’. On one hand we have a Divine protector who pledges allegiance to Wilayat al Fakih backed by a demented general, and on the other hand we have a new born Christian allied to the very religious sect, who not long ago wanted to push him to the sea and create a Palestinian state within our borders.
And this new generation of ours (the second generation, our hope for a better future) has jumped on the “revolution” bandwagon, and demonstrates almost every Sunday for a secular state. “iskat al nizam” they shout out proudly; but what “nizam” I ask? The same “nizam” which allows you to ride your moped and wreak havoc within safe neighborhood? Or the very same “nizam” which allows you to have darkened windshields on your car, a license to carry arms, to fire RPG rocket in jubilation, to have your dad on the government payroll whilst holding another more lucrative job?
Lebanon is not Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain, Libya… or even Sierra Leon. Lebanon is the only country within the Middle East whereby a Christian can have a say and not be persecuted for his beliefs, and his places of worship not burned to the ground (like Egypt even after the January revolution). Lebanon is a Biblical land, and Lebanon is the only safe haven for Christians.
Having said that; yes I am for a secular state. A STRONG state which will provide for ALL its people equally.
The state of Lebanon, where any citizen will not have to notice the difference between any millimeters of the 10452km2.
The State of Lebanon where one can take his camera and take pictures of mountains, valleys, churches, mosques, synagogues, …etc without being told that he couldn’t.
The state of Lebanon, where a mother has the right to pass on the Lebanese nationality to her children.
The state of Lebanon, where “ahwal al shakhsiya” are the same for all its citizens regardless of religion.
The state of Lebanon, where religious figures take care of their flock and do not dwell in politics.
The state of Lebanon, where one religious sect is NO LONGER ALLOWED to impose its way of life within its area of influence.
The state of Lebanon, held accountable towards its people regardless.
The state of Lebanon, capable of providing basic necessities and security to all its citizens.
The state of Lebanon……. The list is long.
But mainly, THE STATE OF LEBANON SHOULD BE WILLING TO INVEST INTO EDUCATING THIS 3RD GENERATION IMPREGNATED WITH FANATICISM AND HATE PASSED DOWN, IF EVER THERE IS TO BE HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
Are you going to demonstrate next Sunday? And if you are, for what? 24 hours electricity, decent public transport, health care, clean environment, impartial judicial system, unified history book dealing with the period stretching from 1975 to 1990, spousal abuse law, child labor, demarcation of land and sea frontiers, armed militias, counterfeit food and medicinal products, civil liberties…etc? Or the more pressing issue, according to you, a SECULAR state????

April 1, 2011 Posted by | Arslan, Bashir Gemayel, Christian, Dawlat Al Faqih, Hassan Nasrallah, Independence, Kamal Jumblat, Mourabiton, Palestinians, Religion, Yasser Arafat | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Michel Aoun, Hotel Dieu?

A few minutes ago, whilst I was flicking through TV channels, the news broke out that General Michel Aoun was admitted to Hotel Dieu hospital with no details whatsoever. In order to quench my thirst for details I spent time checking different local channels in search of more details, but with no avail. OTV’s banner said that Aoun went for a simple check up and that he is doing well (sigh of relief). Ok, fine Hotel Dieu’s lab can open for VIP’s. This little piece of (worthless) news reminded me of the time when champagne bottles were opened on Beit Mery’s roundabout when rumors of Hafez Al Assad’s passing took over the “sharkieh”. Yes I am about to go and buy a few cases myself, but I would rather wait. And while I am waiting, I can’t help but wonder if Hotel Dieu has enough adjacent rooms to cater for the rest of our political class; and what an irony it would be if all (our political class that is) will spend their last days in what should then be called the “seventh gate of hell” hospital.

TFEH!

March 29, 2011 Posted by | Beit Mery, Politics | , | Leave a comment

Fuck me gently.

Fuck me gently; for I fail to understand why, as a TRUE LEBANESE (a dying breed) still cannot comprehend:
1) Why the STL is a Zionist entity (according to SOME) without any concrete proof.
2) Why Wi’am Wahab is still allowed to profess publicly  the return of Syrian tanks (and being proud of it) into Lebanese territory in order (according to him) prevent civil strife.
3) Why a few days before the commemoration of Sabra and Chatilla did Sami Gemayel deemed it fit to recall the collaboration with Israel.
4) Why did Goatee Saad El Dine “vainly” attempted to exonerate the Syrian regime from all the political assassinations which took place, at least since 2005.
5) Why this sudden urge on the behalf of Americans and Israeli diplomats to include Syria (and maybe Lebanon) in the peace talks with Israel.
6) Why the hint of the willingness to withdraw from the Golan Heights in return for peace talks.
7) Why the local threat (from the representatives of our “divine” protector’s spokes people) of uprising by the end of September, if the STL was not abandoned by the government.
8) Why was Jamil Al Sayyed is allowed to dish out so much “unfounded” accusations on many local TV stations.
9) Why Michel Aoun (who is part of the government) can go on TV and call for civil disobedience.
The above is nothing but a few questions any TRUE LEBANESE should ask himself; but it doesn’t stop there.
A) Nadim Gemayel went on to assert his conviction that all the killings which took place during the Syrian hegemony are directly related to the Syrian Baathist regime. Some might argue that his speech emanated from a deep rooted feeling that it was about time he reclaimed his father’s (Sheikh Bashir) legacy that might have been shadowed by the fiery speeches of his cousin Sami, maybe, rightly so. For any Lebanese (and not only Christian) who believed in Bashir’s ideology, they were (to say the least) disappointed by the way Amin (his brother) pretended to keep his ideology alive. Never forget that Amin at the end of his presidential term created the vacuum, whereby appointing Michel Aoun head of the transitional government. Once Amin sat on the “cursed” presidential chair, the Kataeb began its downward spiral. From Hajj to Pakradouni to Amin’s exile to France (not that he was suffering), to the Kataeb we know today. Pierre the founder is long dead, and so is Pierre the grandson (May God rest his soul, and not because I adhere to the Kataeb); but the kataeb we know today is far from Bashir’s Kataeb. Sami can never rekindle the light of his uncle, he does not have the charisma, nor does he have the deep rooted convictions. Nadim on the other (after his last speech) hand might be on the right track.
B) Jamil El Sayyed rantings about the STL, Said Mirza, False witnesses…etc; even if they were all true allegations; can any Lebanese forget the crimes this Syrian puppet perpetrated against fellow Lebanese? Did we forget how the ISF (under his directorate and the cover of Adnan Addoum) use to dismantle demonstrations calling for freedom, independence, sovereignty, and territorial integrity (and this is a reminder to Michel Aoun)?
C) Who the Fuck is Wi’am Wahab and how many Druze does he represent? Where does he come from to be able to go on every single local TV station dishing out his threats against the government and politicians  and getting away with it? Why is it, NOW allowed to air such detrimental speeches to “al wifak al watani”, and not long ago MTV was shut down?
D) Why is it that Syria (our sister state) never lifted a finger when we were under attack and still claims that it has our best interest at heart (tawhid al massareyn). Not one single rocket was ever fired into Israel (our “only” enemy) from Syrian territories; but Syria does have pawns in Lebanon (such as Ahmad Gebril) to do its dirty work.
E) Why is America so eager to send envoys to Lebanon and Syria (and especially Syria) at the “re-start” of the Israeli-Palestinian peace talks? Who do you think will be higher on the US priority table (as an ally against an eventual Iranian strike) Lebanon or Syria?
F) This letter should stand for FUCK you Lebanese Christians (especially those who follow Michel Aoun), if you think the next “CIVIL” war (and I think it is on our doorsteps) will be Sunni against Shiaa; you are right in the middle.
Have you noticed that for once I did not mention nor bash Hizbollah? I don’t need to; Michel Aoun (Hizbollah’s proxy) has made sure to alienate all hope of a free and independent Lebanon.

N.B: No, I will not let you fuck me gently. For, like the Palestinians thought in the mid 70’s that they could take over MY land; Syria will never return and we (TRUE LEBANESE) will never be part of Walayat Al Fakih. And this is the true meaning of “MOUKAWAMEH”.

September 17, 2010 Posted by | Politics, STL | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The drums of war are beating loud.

The drums of war are once again beating loud on all sides of the fence waiting for one side to cross the red line. All sides agree that if there is to be war, this time it has to be decisive. Casualties of war are no longer considered, for the only aim (according to rhetoric, from both sides) is to obliterate the enemy. Although the feuding families in this tragedy are not only the Capulet and the Montague, but also their cousins (thrice removed) the Assad, Ahmadinajad, Nasrallah, Obama, Sarkozy,Brown…etc. I will only dwell on the impact this coming war will have on a little chapter better known as Lebanon.
I figured, after monitoring local and foreign press that the day of reckoning is fast approaching. I figured this out from various speeches (threats) from both south and north of the border neighbors, and from our local “divine” protector. A simple call (past Thursday) to readiness from the supreme leader of the masked epitome of evil (Ahmadinajad) to our enlightened “divine” protector; assured me that very soon the “divine” himself will test our faith (according to the seven pillars) and lead us straight to heaven.
But I am still convinced that my time to meet my creator (who might not be recognized by our “divine” protector) has not come yet, not by miles. “To Jerusalem and beyond” is my embedded crest for I have fought (along with Richard the lion heart) the heathen before you could even claim an inch of this BIBLICAL land.
When the next war will come; and I pray for the sake of my son (and not yours), that I will not, I will close my door to you and your people who will be seeking refuge. Provoked or not, for you and your bravado, have brought it, not only onto yourselves, but onto this entire nation. I will go even further and say that I will hold you and those who (blindly) follow you responsible for every single drop of bloodshed, no matter how disproportionate the response might be.
Hassan, you hold no respect, nor value for the living. The only way you can justify your (and your militia) existence is through your outdated notion of jihad even stretching outside local borders. From once “downtrodden” to now the example of what defaces this country, I not only claim that you are a traitor to Lebanon, but also to what IS a religion of the book which is supposed to professes love and tolerance.
When the next war breaks out, let arse lickers like Saad, Walid, Nabih, Suleiman, Karameh..etc open their doors to your followers (you will be, like expected, hiding in you bunker) welcome them; giving them the front row seats to watch Lebanon and its majority of peace loving people being burned to ashes.
But then again you might think why not, wads of cash (and only “halal” cash) will come from your sponsors to rebuild on an even better standard. So I guess you are only contributing to making Lebanon a better, nicer place.
No thank you very much. Keep your Samir Kuntar, Imad Moughnieh, Bilal, Abou salam, Abou Turab, Abu Ali…etc, to yourselves. I can cite hundreds, if not thousands of: Joseph, Antoine, Georges, Samir, Ziad, Mohamed, Constantine, Mitri, Walid, on different sides of the (local) fence who gave their life for Lebanon, but not for “wilayat al faqih”.
Ya Hassan, do not give me a lesson in patriotism.
The Lebanese courts passed the death sentence less than a couple of weeks ago on 3 traitors working for our arch enemy Israel. They should at least convict you, if lenient, for involuntary manslaughter for what you did in 2006.

Wake up you orange flag branding morons, your leader’s stupidity has given our “divine” protector legitimacy to push us further into the abyss. No Micho is not the second coming of the Christ, he is more like David Koresh and Wako II is Rabieh !

February 25, 2010 Posted by | Lebanon, Politics | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

When I will become a Roumieh resident.

Goatee Saad  met with the demented general. Rumor has it that the meeting was so friendly that now there is talk of an MOU between the Future movement and the FPM, similar to the MOU with Hizbollah.

Oh joyful day!

I do not pay much attention to what is written in local papers, for the fate of my country is in no way a local affair. But I know that the worst is yet to come, and I know that I will not be kept silent. So just in case I find my freedom being taking away from me (once again), this is part of the concert I would like to enjoy in the prison I will be at (not Nancy and Haifa).

October 6, 2009 Posted by | Lebanon, Music | , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The winds of change.

Chavez and Ahmadi Najad are in cahoots even with regards to exchanging nuclear technology know how.

Russian vessel (Arctic Sea) kidnapped, allegedly carrying weapons to Iran. Talk about the Mossad being involved, and a secret visit by Israeli high officials to Russia in order to contain the story.

Turkey FM cancels visit to Israel.

Iraq blames Syria for Iraq terror.

4000 new settlements given the go ahead to be built in Israel/the occupied territory.

And in my country the only talk on the news is about how constitutional the new cabinet proposal was.

Fuck me gently for I worry about those changes and I ask. Since when:

Was the constitution ever respected.

Was, any past present and even future government truly representative of the will and aspiration of the people.

Was Lebanon a master of its own destiny.

Democracy gives way to those who lost elections, and still DEMAND the lion’s share.

When the people sit idle (for it is the tourist season) and accept a 70 day stalemate.

Ya Elias, where are the Migs that you so proudly procured as a gift from the Russians? If I recall correctly we were supposed to have them by no later than August (I guess the Syrians will get theirs first). No you are not the only one who fell short of your  (public) promises, and you are not the only one who let down those million + who took the streets in 2005. Goatee Saad has stepped over his Christian allies in his government proposal. Walid Beik has lost his credibility amongst many of his partners and Druze followers. Aoun has dug himself deeper into the grave of shame (thanks to Gebran Imbecile). And my fellow Lebanese lost the most.

An election took place, and results were cast. An election took place under the flag of a democracy that is second to none in our corner of the woods, so why not act accordingly. Why not? the answer is simple. Hizbullah’s arsenal.

So my fellow Lebanese, I would advise you to reminisce, and long for the time when you lived under the Syrian boot; for then you could still fight. The excuse in those days was, I was fighting against an outsider, an occupying force.

But for the very few of you, who still have LEBANON flowing in your blood; those hindering bastards are not Lebanese by heart, soul, conviction or even allegiance. To all of you who took to the streets in 2005 and then onwards, for once speak out your mind. Pluck every single hair out of Saad’s goatee and Hassouna’s beard, demand that the Iztaz gives back the keys to parliament, that the so called doctor plants cedar trees in Becharre and leaves us alone, that Walid Beik rides his Harley into some far away sunset, that Micho finds  an asylum that can accommodate his many psychological illnesses.But most of all my fellow Lebanese; REPENT. Repent, for what ails this country of ours is from your own doing!

September 10, 2009 Posted by | Lebanon, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Why we should all vote against Michel Aoun

As a disgruntled ex “Aounist” and a “true Lebanese”, I can’t help but feel not only disappointment but hatred towards what I consider (especially after his latest “propos”) as the biggest traitor Lebanon ever witnessed. Whatever happened to “The World Movement for the Liberation of Lebanon “and your slogan of “Independence, Sovereignty and Freedom”? I guess “Beit Al sha3b” who drew thousands risking their lives, you have now rented (cheap) to those who ousted you wearing only pajamas.

Came a time when you had the support of many from all creeds and religions (Druze, Sunnies, Shia, Christians, rich and poor) provided you with a human shield against those whom once you considered as being the foes of what Lebanon stood for. Even the Lebanese Diaspora voluntarily mobilized itself and became a patron to your cause; the cause (of what they thought was) the way towards a free and truly independent Lebanon.

london-marathon-pic

Said Akl (that half crazy has been local poet) recited poetry praising your accomplishments (although at the time they were none), people danced on the road to Baabda, restaurants delivered free food to all those who protected (risking their own lives) you by staging a sit in anxiously waiting for you to grace them with a few (unfounded) promises.
And (along with many others) me in my country of exile, I demonstrated in front of embassies in harsh weather conditions, convinced that this was my patriotic duty. We collected money when you could no longer afford to pay the wages to those Lebanese army soldiers (who whole heartedly) believed that they could finally protect their fellow citizens from the Syrian sword that had caused so many martyrs, and transferred them to your bank account. Many of those very same soldiers who believed in you and your cause were slaughtered, and those who survived were stripped naked and made to walk and spit on posters depicting your “moronic” profile in your military suit by the hands of those you now swear allegiance to, and I quote my dear “traitor”: “The Syrians and the Iranians helped Lebanon, and I do not care if these words anger anyone”.
Well these words anger me and the families of those soldiers who died when you decided to flee to the French embassy. These words anger every single Lebanese (and there still aren’t enough of them) whom for one second believed that you could have been the protector and liberator of this holly land. You pissed on all that was sacred to this once great nation of ours.

Now you claim to be the epitome of the true “wifak watani” with your alliance with those outlaws that don’t even recognize the rule of law; which not long ago was part of the war you fought against fellow citizens (LF to be precise).
I won’t spend any more time detailing your failures and showing your true face (of the traitor and demented general that you are) for I know that many share my views, and the few followers you have are moved by the (false) need to have a so called Christian representation to follow, lacking another alternative (that of the LF).
Dear General, you have recently given us enough material enabling us to write volumes on the subject of traitor, deceit, megalomania, dictatorship…etc. You remind me of one of my favorite “bande dessinee” character, that of IZNOGOOD : “je veux etre califee a la place du calife”.
Well to you my dear general I say : “not in your wildest dreams”, just like Iznogood we will all laugh at all your failed attempts; the only difference be it that in comic books no one gets hurts. I guess that you never understood the difference!
A disgruntled ex Aounist.

February 11, 2009 Posted by | Lebanon, Michel Aoun, Patriotism, Politics, Said Akl | , | 13 Comments