Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

As far as I am concerned !

Patriarch Rai can grow his beard, wear a turban and take turn to lead us to yet another (devastating) divine victory.

Walid Jumblat can get on his Harley and ride unto the sunset never to be heard of again.

Nabih Berri can turn parliament to a big Roman orgy.

Samir Geagea can decide become a monk in the hope to be canonized after his passing.

Saad Hariri can turn downtown Beirut into a red light district and become its higher paid customer.

Michel Aoun can direct and star in a new version of Mel brook’s history of the world.

Amine Gemayel can create his own line of hair care products.

Talal Arslan can open up a free psychiatric ward for all those who have an inferiority complex.

Hassan Nasrallah can get on his white horse waiving his sword (like Mar Elias) protecting all Arab widows and orphans.

As far as I am concerned, they, and all our political class, past and current might not even have a place reserved for them in hell, for the devil might be afraid that they will oust him.

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September 25, 2011 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

St Valentine, or M14’s fallacy ?

Not only have we invented the “ourjouwan” color or the alphabet; but we Lebanese are pioneers in many fields. No wonder we are proud people (and so rightly so), Lebanon was mentioned 71 times in the Bible; and if Belinda Carlisle knew Lebanon, her song “heaven is a place on earth” would not have been written as a love song, but as a tribute to our country.
We (Lebanese) are direct descendants of God (ou meme la cuisse de Jupiter, depending on your religious beliefs). Lebanon is the true Garden of Eden, where it all began, and where it will all end. The notion some have that the Jews are the chosen people is nothing but a fallacy, a few millimeters on a geographical map, shy from the truth. We are the chosen ones!
Today we Lebanese have once again demonstrated to the entire world (and maybe the universe) that we are true pioneers; pioneers in having taken the art of absurdity, no worthiness, sold out bunch of ingrate selfish bastards, mindless “sheeple”, brainwashed pretentious narguilleh smoking selfish lazy wannabees arses.
The sight of goatee Saudi Saad waving his hand in salute as if he was the queen of England (and a queen he might as well be) grabbing Walid beik by the waist (obviously against his will) made sick to my stomach. The songs playing in the background and the festive mood on what should have been a grim reminder of our bloody (recent past) made my blood boil.
And they (M14) have the audacity to talk about their achievements in the past 5 years. The Cedar Revolution is dead! It officially died after the June elections when promises were broken one after the other. The Cedar Revolution was never the sole proprietorship of any political party, it was a movement from the people and TO the people, entrusted then (wrongly) to the current leadership. Today another nail (if not the final one) was put on its coffin.
Today, I and the entire world, witnessed the shrinking of your (M14) power base; and in a couple of days from now the entire world will witness the ever constant (if not growing) power of Hizbullah (the commemoration of their martyrs). And yet THE supreme leader of M14 (goatee Saad) deemed it fit to announce to the world (not very long ago) that the government will stand by Hizbollah in case of a new “aggression” (even if provoked) against Israel.
If only I was allowed to (safely) attend the Hizbullah commemoration, for I have more respect towards those who even if they have an agenda that I totally refute, are true to their promises and their following.
Sad to say, I hold MUCH more respect to those I am willing to dedicate my life to fight against their vision, than to the lot of you (M14).
Come next elections, not only I will not vote for you; I will vote against you.
Long live Imad Moughnieh and may God protect Samir Kuntar !

February 15, 2010 Posted by | Lebanon, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The winds of change.

Chavez and Ahmadi Najad are in cahoots even with regards to exchanging nuclear technology know how.

Russian vessel (Arctic Sea) kidnapped, allegedly carrying weapons to Iran. Talk about the Mossad being involved, and a secret visit by Israeli high officials to Russia in order to contain the story.

Turkey FM cancels visit to Israel.

Iraq blames Syria for Iraq terror.

4000 new settlements given the go ahead to be built in Israel/the occupied territory.

And in my country the only talk on the news is about how constitutional the new cabinet proposal was.

Fuck me gently for I worry about those changes and I ask. Since when:

Was the constitution ever respected.

Was, any past present and even future government truly representative of the will and aspiration of the people.

Was Lebanon a master of its own destiny.

Democracy gives way to those who lost elections, and still DEMAND the lion’s share.

When the people sit idle (for it is the tourist season) and accept a 70 day stalemate.

Ya Elias, where are the Migs that you so proudly procured as a gift from the Russians? If I recall correctly we were supposed to have them by no later than August (I guess the Syrians will get theirs first). No you are not the only one who fell short of your  (public) promises, and you are not the only one who let down those million + who took the streets in 2005. Goatee Saad has stepped over his Christian allies in his government proposal. Walid Beik has lost his credibility amongst many of his partners and Druze followers. Aoun has dug himself deeper into the grave of shame (thanks to Gebran Imbecile). And my fellow Lebanese lost the most.

An election took place, and results were cast. An election took place under the flag of a democracy that is second to none in our corner of the woods, so why not act accordingly. Why not? the answer is simple. Hizbullah’s arsenal.

So my fellow Lebanese, I would advise you to reminisce, and long for the time when you lived under the Syrian boot; for then you could still fight. The excuse in those days was, I was fighting against an outsider, an occupying force.

But for the very few of you, who still have LEBANON flowing in your blood; those hindering bastards are not Lebanese by heart, soul, conviction or even allegiance. To all of you who took to the streets in 2005 and then onwards, for once speak out your mind. Pluck every single hair out of Saad’s goatee and Hassouna’s beard, demand that the Iztaz gives back the keys to parliament, that the so called doctor plants cedar trees in Becharre and leaves us alone, that Walid Beik rides his Harley into some far away sunset, that Micho finds  an asylum that can accommodate his many psychological illnesses.But most of all my fellow Lebanese; REPENT. Repent, for what ails this country of ours is from your own doing!

September 10, 2009 Posted by | Lebanon, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments