Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

Parliamentary zoo. A Lebanese find!

The zoo officially opened its doors two days ago and we the people were graced with a vast array of not so domesticated and friendly animals. I am guessing that many of you (like me) have attempted to follow this pitiful spectacle trying find the least beastly of all the animals on display. Even my dog could not stand such dismal display of animosity. As soon as I switched the channel on the TV to the parliamentary debate he hid under the table and meowed in fear.

Many of those animals have exceeded their normal life expectancy and despite their old age are still showing extreme signs of good health; roaring, braying even crowing like they never did before. Some at times took a nap, while some others were eying there next prey. And the so called king of this farce of a jungle sat on his rock occasionally roaring out loud remind all that after 19 years he still is the elder, the iztez.

Wlek TFEH!

TFEH on me first and on all the “sheeple” (the Lebanese that is) that still sit idle, while a bunch of savage animals decide their faith. Nagging does no longer cut it, our voices will never be heard for they are  falling (and has been for ages) on not only deaf, but selfish ears.

Wake up and rebel, reclaim you rights; regain your once great culture. Become a nation and reclaim the 10452 Km2 that once were the envy of all our neighbors.
Al sha3b yourid iskat heik taba2a siyesiyeh feisdeh !

WLEK TFEH !

April 19, 2012 Posted by | Politics | , , | 3 Comments

Hassan Nasrallah, ou l’oiseau de mauvais augure!

Sad is the day when an entire (so called) nation awaited with bated breath the speech of a self proclaimed divine protector in order to have a hint, or even an inclination as to whether this long awaited summer will be calm and prosperous, … or not.

Hassouna (our self declared divine protector) a finalement mit les points sur les “I “.

According to him; we have to be grateful for the role the Syrian “despotic” regime has played throughout; not only the 15 years of war, but also the next 15 years of hegemony we Lebanese had to endure (at a price of many martyrs numbering in the tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands), for according to “our dear Divine protector” Lebanon would have ceased to exist if it wasn’t for the goodness of the Syrian heart’s regime with regards to its “sisterly state” (and still we have no border demarcation).

The only “true” (and legal, according to him) resistance is that of Hizbullah, and all the rest is nothing but puppets in the hand of the greater evil that is Netenyahu (thank God his family name does not end in a double OO and not a U; than Yahoo would also be a Zionist entity), Obama, KSA, Bahrain, France, England…and the rest of the world; save Pakistan, the Taliban, Iran ….. Bashar.

Even Mikati and Suleiman had their fare share of criticism.

Get out of Iraq and Afghanistan, he shouted whilst his hand was whipping the sweat off his forehead and trying to put back the few strains of rebellious hair which kept on creeping outside his turban. Syria (or to put it in his own words SOUYiYA) is a red line, do not attempt to stab it in the back .

According to our self proclaimed divine protector, the entire universe is wrong. Bashar is nothing short of St Rita, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Mar Charbel, The prophet Mohammad, Hare Krishna, Tao, Winnie the poo…etc (all put together in order to create the most magnanimous entity ) and we should all rally behind him; for according to Hassouna what is taking place in SOUYIYA is all the doing of one Obama and one Netenyahu.

According to him the majority of the Syrian people are all for a living under oppression and those who died in their quest for freedom and dignity are nothing but a small percentage misguided by foreign “ill seeking” powers with their own devilish agendas (Lebanese devil worshipers included).

Hassouna, our Divine protector after having sweat profusely, promised us yet another more spectacular victory.
The only question that springs to my mind is : “at what cost?”

Wlek tfeh ya Hassan, go back to that same rock you crawled out of.

The only people who are still applauding your speeches are not Lebanese. And when Bashar will fall flat on his face (within time I admit) and gets shafted (with no Vaseline), the only recourse you and your “sheeple”will have, is to seek refuge in the land of “Wilayat Al Faqih”, but only if (and a big IF that is) then such a land and outdated notion still exists. Remember Neda, she is nothing but the beginning!

May 26, 2011 Posted by | Lebanon | , , , , , , | 10 Comments

L’amertume maternelle.

No matter how hard I try to phrase it and paint a nearly perfect picture; my words will always fall short. The fact is, and still remains that Joseph’s mother passed away for her heart could no longer take the incertitude and the false promises. And by saying Joseph’s mother, I am referring to Joseph Sader who’s many of you chose to forget, including Ziad Baroud. Fayez Karam still makes the headlines on a regular basis, but the simple “Joe” I guess is not news worthy.
We are too busy trying to predict the outcome of the Syrian uprising and the effect it might have on the land of the Cedars. Some are even rejoicing in advance hoping that the change in our sisterly neighboring state will bring along change for the better; but no one has even considered, taken into account, or even thought about “the devil within”.
Local political analysts, bloggers, journalists; spew texts and articles on how this “newly” found trend of freedom is going to affect this Biblical land of ours, the establishment of “Wilayet al faqih” or even the Salafist (pipe)dream; comparing Egypt, Tunis, Bahrain,Syria, Yemen…Timbuktu; they all fail
Yes the tide is changing and all around us people are rebelling; and locally we are still drowning in our own cesspool of corruption and deceit. Lebanese raise their angry voices in protest for haphazardly arrests in Syria, but all fail to even mention or even hint to the fate of the thousands Lebanese still rotting in Syrian jails.
Even if I could understand such an omission, I cannot begin to understand how many fellow Lebanese are asking for the immediate release of “opinion” prisoners in our sisterly state whilst, locally, the whereabouts of Joseph Sader is still unknown.
Shame on a “nation” (and yes it is in between brackets) that cares more for the safety of the sons of our INVADERS, and turns a deaf ear to the fact that a Lebanese mother’s heart stopped beating because of her worry as to the status of her own LEBANESE son, which until this day remains unknown.
You wannabe protectors of freedom and truth, before you take on the plight of the people of Daraa start by cleaning house; maybe then your “freedom speech” might be taken seriously.
Enough empty talk and analysis from both sides of our political divide; many of MY people are still missing both locally and in Syria. It is about time that we retake our pioneering stand, and demand clear answers from our government (or lack of) first before some of us can paint themselves as THE protectors of freedom and human rights. Vindicate Joseph’s mother!
Wlek Tfeh!

May 1, 2011 Posted by | Personal, Wilayat Al Faqif | , , , | Leave a comment

Al ma7abis youridoun al 3afou al 3am !

The entire Middle East is witnessing popular revolts against despots, regimes and long standing oppression; and we Lebanese (the chosen people amongst our Arab neighbours) are witnessing a new kind of revolution.
In keeping with the (misplaced) idea of being “avangardistes”, and having missed the train of true rebellion against the regime; we Lebanese have concocted a new “righteous cause”, in order to regain the FIRST ranking amongst our neighbouring “sheeple”.
The best ,and the only available alternative is that of the prisoner’s conditions within our ill managed Lebanese state (or currently, lack of). Yes the local penal system is flawed, and has been since our so called independence; but does this FACT justify the latest popular upsurge in the call of descent against “the machine” (and yes this is a direct link to Pink Floyd)?
No matter how harsh an inhumane the conditions are within our local prison system; this should have been a buffer against crime, even petty crime; but I guess we in Lebanon have a different notion of what is right and what is wrong.
Yes you have the right to demonstrate “peacefully” for better conditions within our jails for your relatives and loved ones; but you also have to admit, with SHAME that they have done wrong, and dues have to be paid. Screaming, burning tires, blocking road, justifying dealing drugs for the lack of job opportunities, murder…etc; whilst your next of kin (“guests” at the hotel Roumieh) have the liberty to communicate with the media via cell phones, slashing their bodies (or other prisoner’s) with blade knives whilst setting fuel tanks on fire endangering other people’s lives is a clear signal that the 3afou 3am is something that the government (if only we had one), should not even consider.
Many had the audacity to voice their opinion, claiming that the crimes perpetrated by those they represent were because of lack of opportunities; and those very same “leaches on society” were arrogant enough to claim that drug dealing (even rape) is not like murder. WLEK TFEH ! And still some listen and promise better conditions once the necessary monies are passed through parliament. Don’t we have more pressing issues like 24h electricity, water, social security, retirement fund ….etc towards those “law abiding” citizens; before we start thinking of the rehabilitation of those who are a burden on the already depleted government coffers?
I just wish that the next time I pass by Roumieh (and it might be tomorrow), and a stone is thrown at my car I could brandish my gun and shoot at those so called mothers who are foreign to “the rule of law”, and not only to maim the lot of them, but piss on their bleeding bodies. Let them go and witness firsthand how our neighboring countries deal with their own (and ours, SYRIA) prisoners and I dare them to demonstrate there.
THIS IS NOT LEBANON. THIS IS NOT AN INNOCENT CRY FOR BETTER CONDITIONS; THIS IS NOTHING BUT A VAIN ATTEMPT TO COMPROMISE ZIAD BAROUD AND MICHEL SULEIMAN
I say: “Let them burn, along with Roumieh, one of the many bastion of a failed state”.

April 8, 2011 Posted by | Michel Sleiman, Pink Floyd, Ziad Baroud | , , , | 1 Comment

Apology !

Those (few) who know me will tell you that I am not a devout practicing Christian. And those (even fewer) who read me, will remember how many times (sorry Zoon) I was critical of Mar Nasrallah Boutros Sfeir.
Today, Bkerke witnessed a ceremony, a “solemn” farewell to a man on who inherited the heavy responsibility of safekeeping the sheer survival of a (religious) community fragmented by (then) 11 years of war. His foes were many and varied, from foreign to local, and even from within his own flock. But the man stood his grounds. From “Kornet Shehwan” passing through “harb al ilgha and harb al tah7rir, to “the Cedar Revolution” and the 7th of May; I was still critical. A man of the “clothe”, I always believed should never dwell (and soil) his hands in politics.
Yes I held him responsible for not letting the people march onto Baabda and dethrone the “Lebanese Olympic swimming” despot we had for president then, and I also blamed him for succumbing to the pressures of having to come up with a list of hopeful presidential candidates when I thought (and I still think) that he should have remained silent; but now I less question his motives (not to say his wisdom and admit that I totally misread him). Today Moutran Abi Joudeh’s apology to the patriarch I related to.
This might be the time of “revolutions”, “freedom” and “power to the people” (although I doubt it). For me this is a time to extend my apology to a Lebanese figure (and not to a religious man) who sought to protect me as a LEBANESE against change from oppression to utter chaos. When today a church was burned down to the ground in Egypt; I can only wonder about some of the slogans that were shouted in “Tahrir Square” which it reminded me of Gibran’s Tweini’s famous “naksimouh bil allah al 3azim…”. Who’s going to protect, not me, but my son now?
Gebran Bassil got his knickers in a twist today and did not attend the celebration in Bkerke, for he did not have a front row seat (being THE representative for Michel Aoun). My answer is to him is the following video clip, and to the Marada movement whom representative decided to leave in the middle of the ceremony I can only say:
“Remember when Slimmy said that “the patriarch is having a “bonner” being amongst his female friends, and when his retarded followers shouted out loud “inta batrakna ya Sleiman”?
Mar Nasrallah Boutros Sfeir is a dignified man, and I apologize for some of the words I wrote about him.

N.B: In the enclosed clip, I wonder if the kid being held during the storming of Bkerkeh is not Gebran Bassil. Can someone shed a light?

March 6, 2011 Posted by | Lebanon, Mar Nasrallah Boutros Sfeir, Sleiman Frangieh | , | 9 Comments

Violence begets violence.

I can understand the anger and the frustration, but I cannot accept the similarities (save the detail of armed thugs) with what I condemned vehemently in 2008; the similarities were there for me to condemn. Yes “sticks and stones will not break my bones” as the saying goes, but this does not in any way justify stooping to their level and falling into their well laid trap. All that was missing was the herd of mopeds, AK47’s, RPG’s, and militia uniforms. This does not make the impact any less gruesome and worrying.
On the other hand, the so called peaceful demo in downtown Beirut did not attract the (expected or even hoped for) crowd. And you wonder why?
Once you took it upon yourself (Ya Tayyar Al Mustakbal) to portray this fight as typical Sunni betrayal, forgetting the very essence of the Cedar Revolution, you forgo your allies who ensured you the majority in parliament. This was supposed to be the ultimate fight for justice and freedom, and you have chosen to derail it.
Goatee Saad has amassed one mistake after another, and when his last chance of redemption was offered; his “tayyar” passed kilometers next to it. This is not a fight between the two predominant Muslim sects. This is a fight for the survival of this BIBLICAL LAND OF THE CEDARS, Hassan Nasrallah’s speech today proves this point.
Downtown Beirut tonight showed a very shy gathering and not to my surprise. For tonight Saad and Hassan made it all about a struggle of influence between 2 out of the 18 sects, that are nothing but couple of parts of the Lebanese canvas.
Fellow Lebanese at the risk of sounding like a broken record : “wake up and smell the cyanide” , say NO to all of them!
My fellow Lebanese, I leave you with the following:

And to those of you who have inspirations way beyond our borders:

January 26, 2011 Posted by | George Harisson, Imagine, John Lennon | , , , , | Leave a comment

Walid beyk: “Eat my dirty knickers” !

I still recall the evening with Marcel Ghanem (a persona non grata in my humble opinion) where more than a couple of folders where laid on the table by Walid beyk’s side (another persona non grata) in the course of an interview. A promise was made by the so called leader of the Druze community, to one day unseal those folders, and prove beyond any reasonable doubt that the Syrian regime killed his father. Where are those files now, I wonder? Did Walid beyk decide to use them to feed the fire in his chimney in Moukhtara in order to keep warm knowing that the ton of “mazout” is about to reach the 900$ mark and times are tough? Or is it nothing more than a true reflection of the leech he really is?
To those of you who had the misfortune to witness the Lebanese “civil” war”, I would like to remind you of the times when Walid Jr and Chamoun Jr (R.I.P) use to race cars in Hamra st and were clueless with regards of hereditary leadership.
After his father’s assassination, this once rebellious son HAD to take over his father’s legacy and insure the continuous burning of the Arabic flame. Faisal (from the Arslan “rival” clan) was pushed aside thanks to the great efforts of Khawla for he was not a direct fruit of her womb, and Talal was too young (and in many ways, still is). Hence, Walid beyk became the most prominent representative of one the 18 Lebanese sects.
Times came and went, people were displaced, Deir Al Kammar was besieged (his childhood friend’s fiefdom), reconciliation took place, and repentance was never said (especially not today). My fellow Lebanese and Druze I might add; how can you still rally behind such a fickle leader. Granted your other options are not so bright (Wahab and Arslan), but always remember you are Lebanese; and if your memory should fail you in that respect, then don’t label me a fanatic. Walid beyk is claiming to play a game of survival, your (the Druze) survival. But can you actually believe than when the other side reaches its long term goal (Wilayet Al Faqih), you would fit in?
Take lessons my fellow Druze from Lebanon’s history, and know damn well that you are being used, and none of you will live to tell the tail. Just remember the 7th of May.
Walid beyk : “Eat my dirty knickers”, and I am not a Druze; but I am LEBANESE.

N.B: Where is Joseph Sader?????

January 22, 2011 Posted by | Kamal Jumblat, Lebanon, Walid Jumblat, Wiam Wahab | , , | 3 Comments

Pity my nation (or lack of)

“Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero,
and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful.
Pity a nation that despises a passion in its dream,
yet submits in its awakening.
Pity the nation that raises not its voice
save when it walks in a funeral,
boasts not except among its ruins,
and will rebel not save when its neck is laid
between the sword and the block.”

Although I am not dead yet (to the dismay of many) in am turning in my “future grave”, for nothing will never change. A deep feeling of resentment has taken over my soul; and I am convinced that once again I have taken the wrong turn in the crossroads that I thought were presented to me.
At a very young age I thought, and for a very short lapse of time, that my cause was right and that it was a cause for survival; but I was wrong then.
Then came a time in the hay days of the WMLL (world movement for the liberation of Lebanon) when I held my hopes high , foolishly thinking that it will remedy my past sins and make way for a brighter future.
And not so long ago (after a very long period of non-belonging and living in limbo ) I wrongly thought that the time was ripe for a “Cedar Revolution” that will bring back a long lost dignity, which I (then) thought was craved by many of my countrymen.
Once again I was wrong.
Just like every decision I have ever made regarding this once Biblical (and no fanaticism intended) land of mine (and to some, maybe yours) has proven not only to be the wrong one, but the one that brought me closer to disbelief in the goodness of man. This motherland of mine has proven to be nothing but a cesspool for all that is evil. No I am not cursing, nor dissing Lebanon; but I am actually cursing and dissing the Lebanese. This unique creed of pretentious sheeple who put themselves even above their 18 (legally recognized) different notions of God.
Today another nail in the coffin of what could have been (in order not to say “what was”) a great nation was hammered to the applause of many. But to those (like me) who had one last iota of hope left; it was another sad chapter in our quest for true independence, justice and the right to live free.
Today I disassociate myself from all those who still believe in any form of dialogue with all, and anyone who disregarded the results of the past elections. And furthermore I dissociate myself from those who won (because of my vote and that of hopeful Lebanese) and bent over (just to get fucked) more than once in the past two years, to the extent that it became a habit.
Your country needs you (the few remaining Lebanese) to get off your lazy arses and react. Say no to the current situation and do not wait for tents to be erected once again in downtown Beirut or for the airport road to be closed by mopeds and burning tires. Face the cold and stage a sit in in Dahieh, 3ein il tineh, Parliament square, Baabda palace; heck ABC and City Mall AND DEMAND YOUR RIGHT OF REPRESENTATION.
Say no to ALL our political class, voice your disdain in public (for once) and DEMAND a radical change.
Bidna n3ish you say? ASSUME !
Wlek Tfeh !

January 13, 2011 Posted by | Independence, Lebanon, M14, March 8, Marillion, Patriotism, Politics | , | 6 Comments

You are not welcome Mr Ahmadinejad !

Today we will witness a warm welcome to the devil incarnate (Ahmadinejad) and another black page will be added to Lebanon’s history.
To all of you who are still in the dark as to why many of us oppose such a visit, one reason could be the support it brings to our local devil, and why devil you might ask ?

Do you remember?

October 13, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Fuck me gently part II.

Fuck me gently; for I fail to understand (once again) why, as a TRUE LEBANESE (a dying breed) I still cannot comprehend:

1) Why during today’s parliament session, no clear condemnation was made with regards to the latest Syrian blunder against Lebanon’s sovereignty.

2) Why the warrant against Jamil al Sayyed (the instigator of the latest Syrian blunder) remains unexecuted.

3) Why once again the subject of financing the STL was postponed.

4) And moreover, why a firm stand was not made (by our so called elected government) with regards to “our” commitment to know “the truth”.

5) Why have we never logged a complaint within the UN or even the (dysfunctional) Arab League for compensation against our sisterly state for damages (and theft) throughout 30 years of hegemony.

6) Why have we not logged a complaint within the UN (and this is not for the sake of keeping the Hizbollahi’s happy) against damages incurred on the hands of the state (and yes I am saying “state”) of Israel.

7) Why is it that as, a state we still haven’t defined our maritime borders (internationally); and yet we go up in arms with regards to shared sea gaz pockets.

8:) Why is it that we (recently) established diplomatic exchange with our sisterly neighbor, but we still do not have defined borders.

9) Why is it that after having dismantled so many spy networks we still don’t know the whereabouts of Joseph Sader.

Many more questions can spring to mind, and not only on a political basis; so brace yourselves for more episodes of “fuck me gently”, which will encompass more aspects of TRUE LEBANESE daily life.

N.B: Fuck me gently, for I fail to understand why Goatee Saad is prime minister!

October 5, 2010 Posted by | Saad Al Hariri | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment