Lebanese Jester

Me, my Lebanon, and I.com weblog

As far as I am concerned !

Patriarch Rai can grow his beard, wear a turban and take turn to lead us to yet another (devastating) divine victory.

Walid Jumblat can get on his Harley and ride unto the sunset never to be heard of again.

Nabih Berri can turn parliament to a big Roman orgy.

Samir Geagea can decide become a monk in the hope to be canonized after his passing.

Saad Hariri can turn downtown Beirut into a red light district and become its higher paid customer.

Michel Aoun can direct and star in a new version of Mel brook’s history of the world.

Amine Gemayel can create his own line of hair care products.

Talal Arslan can open up a free psychiatric ward for all those who have an inferiority complex.

Hassan Nasrallah can get on his white horse waiving his sword (like Mar Elias) protecting all Arab widows and orphans.

As far as I am concerned, they, and all our political class, past and current might not even have a place reserved for them in hell, for the devil might be afraid that they will oust him.

September 25, 2011 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Half a century…… almost!

Half a century almost; and STILL I am in search of answers.
Half a century almost; and I am STILL being forced to deal with forced changes.
Half a century almost; and my future STILL seems insecure.
Half a century almost; and my disdain is STILL ever growing.
Half a century almost; And STILL I can’t claim to be part of ONE nation and ONE people.
Half a century almost; and I STILL have my gun close by in my night stand.

The above is nothing but a mere ‘lucarne’ to the soul of those Lebanese born into the early 60’s, and still believe in the land of the Cedars (and for those less romantic you can call it LEBANON).
From Bechara Al Khoury, Majid Arslan, Kamal Junblat, Camille Chamoun, Fouad Chehab, Antoun Saadeh, to Maarouf Saad, Etienne Sakr, , Saad Haddad, Ibrahim Kulaylat..etc ending with the likes of Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Mouammar Al Kaddafi, Yasser Arafat… and many more; we should have realized a long time ago that we are (according to the “then and now” prevailing powers) “disposable”, not even as a nation or people; just plain DISPOSABLE. And we still are.
Over 180,000 shed blood for their different vision of the motherland; and here we are today standing (gun in hand) at square one. Two generations (and the third is in the making) since our so called independence and the divide is growing deeper. The fear of one (OK only a couple) of the 18 different religious sects trying to take over and change the face of Lebanon, is a notion I never would have even entertained, but has now became ‘food for thought’. On one hand we have a Divine protector who pledges allegiance to Wilayat al Fakih backed by a demented general, and on the other hand we have a new born Christian allied to the very religious sect, who not long ago wanted to push him to the sea and create a Palestinian state within our borders.
And this new generation of ours (the second generation, our hope for a better future) has jumped on the “revolution” bandwagon, and demonstrates almost every Sunday for a secular state. “iskat al nizam” they shout out proudly; but what “nizam” I ask? The same “nizam” which allows you to ride your moped and wreak havoc within safe neighborhood? Or the very same “nizam” which allows you to have darkened windshields on your car, a license to carry arms, to fire RPG rocket in jubilation, to have your dad on the government payroll whilst holding another more lucrative job?
Lebanon is not Tunisia, Egypt, Bahrain, Libya… or even Sierra Leon. Lebanon is the only country within the Middle East whereby a Christian can have a say and not be persecuted for his beliefs, and his places of worship not burned to the ground (like Egypt even after the January revolution). Lebanon is a Biblical land, and Lebanon is the only safe haven for Christians.
Having said that; yes I am for a secular state. A STRONG state which will provide for ALL its people equally.
The state of Lebanon, where any citizen will not have to notice the difference between any millimeters of the 10452km2.
The State of Lebanon where one can take his camera and take pictures of mountains, valleys, churches, mosques, synagogues, …etc without being told that he couldn’t.
The state of Lebanon, where a mother has the right to pass on the Lebanese nationality to her children.
The state of Lebanon, where “ahwal al shakhsiya” are the same for all its citizens regardless of religion.
The state of Lebanon, where religious figures take care of their flock and do not dwell in politics.
The state of Lebanon, where one religious sect is NO LONGER ALLOWED to impose its way of life within its area of influence.
The state of Lebanon, held accountable towards its people regardless.
The state of Lebanon, capable of providing basic necessities and security to all its citizens.
The state of Lebanon……. The list is long.
But mainly, THE STATE OF LEBANON SHOULD BE WILLING TO INVEST INTO EDUCATING THIS 3RD GENERATION IMPREGNATED WITH FANATICISM AND HATE PASSED DOWN, IF EVER THERE IS TO BE HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
Are you going to demonstrate next Sunday? And if you are, for what? 24 hours electricity, decent public transport, health care, clean environment, impartial judicial system, unified history book dealing with the period stretching from 1975 to 1990, spousal abuse law, child labor, demarcation of land and sea frontiers, armed militias, counterfeit food and medicinal products, civil liberties…etc? Or the more pressing issue, according to you, a SECULAR state????

April 1, 2011 Posted by | Arslan, Bashir Gemayel, Christian, Dawlat Al Faqih, Hassan Nasrallah, Independence, Kamal Jumblat, Mourabiton, Palestinians, Religion, Yasser Arafat | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Commemorating a lesson NOT learned !

No matter how hard you try (especially my generation) to move forward and turn the page, the (bloody) past has a knack to come back and bite you in the arse.
On the 13th of April, and for a few years now, this holier than thaw attitude has been the subject of competition between the “competing” local TV stations ,which are the bullhorn of most militias whom I hold responsible for the death of 150000- 200000 fellow Lebanese. Amazingly enough they all seem to agree (wrongly) on the image of Ain El Roumaneh bus as the start of all evil that cursed this Biblical land of ours. In order to keep this latest rambling of mine short, I might grant all those who believe in this fallacy the pleasure in dwelling in this false pretext for the (according to me) war started with the Imposed signature of the Cairo treaty and the “flint” was the Kissinger plan. Call me a conspiracy theorist or even a moron, but this was, and still is my conviction.


On the eve of the 13th of April, I do not want (or at least I try not to) lay the blame on anyone anymore.
On the eve of the 13th of April I wish for this new generation to finally draw lessons from our bloody past.
But how could they???
This same generation I am referring to, is being brought up in an environment more entrenched in sectarianism and fanaticism then I ever witnessed in the late 70’s when I was still a teenager. Before the war broke out (because of the bus incident or not is now irrelevant, but not to me) teenagers did not (in general) pay much attention to religious following according to family names. My generation, intentionally or not, made the divide even greater. Rebellious teens found a new slogan to use against their parents, such as “la lil ta2fiah” which they proudly put as bumper stickers on their cars; but when push came to shove they were more than happy to use derogative terms towards their fellow citizens.
Friends of mine published a humorous blog on their page, which prompted me to write tonight. It is not the contents as such, but the mere picture of the Holiday Inn hotel, and the vivid memory of a man plunging to his death trying to evade an even worst fate. What followed I will spare you, for it is too painful for me to recall, although many have lived even worst.
And you think that we have learned our lesson.
How can we; when we are still harboring all sorts of banned fanatic clerics, mullahs, terrorists, Schizophrenics child murderer (Samir Kuntar), convicted murderers (Ahmad Gibril), strive towards peace, prosperity and most of all security for our children. All those who died during the 15 years of “civil” war are turning in their graves.
Why you might ask?
One example will suffice, and that of the man who threw himself from the Holliday Inn and is now rotten in his grave watching goatee Saad shake hands with Geagea. And this is only one example. 15 years of war and 150000- 200000 martyrs never would they have shed (in their majority) their blood if they knew that Hassouna will be the ultimate dictator treading the same grounds they are buried under. Even the Imam Moussa Al Sadr is turning in his grave.
I sure hope that the day will not come when we will commemorate the 7th of May as the day when HIzbollahistan was born.

April 13, 2010 Posted by | Lebanon, Politics | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The winds of change.

Chavez and Ahmadi Najad are in cahoots even with regards to exchanging nuclear technology know how.

Russian vessel (Arctic Sea) kidnapped, allegedly carrying weapons to Iran. Talk about the Mossad being involved, and a secret visit by Israeli high officials to Russia in order to contain the story.

Turkey FM cancels visit to Israel.

Iraq blames Syria for Iraq terror.

4000 new settlements given the go ahead to be built in Israel/the occupied territory.

And in my country the only talk on the news is about how constitutional the new cabinet proposal was.

Fuck me gently for I worry about those changes and I ask. Since when:

Was the constitution ever respected.

Was, any past present and even future government truly representative of the will and aspiration of the people.

Was Lebanon a master of its own destiny.

Democracy gives way to those who lost elections, and still DEMAND the lion’s share.

When the people sit idle (for it is the tourist season) and accept a 70 day stalemate.

Ya Elias, where are the Migs that you so proudly procured as a gift from the Russians? If I recall correctly we were supposed to have them by no later than August (I guess the Syrians will get theirs first). No you are not the only one who fell short of your  (public) promises, and you are not the only one who let down those million + who took the streets in 2005. Goatee Saad has stepped over his Christian allies in his government proposal. Walid Beik has lost his credibility amongst many of his partners and Druze followers. Aoun has dug himself deeper into the grave of shame (thanks to Gebran Imbecile). And my fellow Lebanese lost the most.

An election took place, and results were cast. An election took place under the flag of a democracy that is second to none in our corner of the woods, so why not act accordingly. Why not? the answer is simple. Hizbullah’s arsenal.

So my fellow Lebanese, I would advise you to reminisce, and long for the time when you lived under the Syrian boot; for then you could still fight. The excuse in those days was, I was fighting against an outsider, an occupying force.

But for the very few of you, who still have LEBANON flowing in your blood; those hindering bastards are not Lebanese by heart, soul, conviction or even allegiance. To all of you who took to the streets in 2005 and then onwards, for once speak out your mind. Pluck every single hair out of Saad’s goatee and Hassouna’s beard, demand that the Iztaz gives back the keys to parliament, that the so called doctor plants cedar trees in Becharre and leaves us alone, that Walid Beik rides his Harley into some far away sunset, that Micho finds  an asylum that can accommodate his many psychological illnesses.But most of all my fellow Lebanese; REPENT. Repent, for what ails this country of ours is from your own doing!

September 10, 2009 Posted by | Lebanon, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments